Posted in World of Warcraft

The Rumpelstiltskin Approach

My guild is running a few old raids at the moment.  Last Friday we started BWD.I was quite surprised at how complex some of the fights were. I don’t know why I was surprised though. I don’t do ordinary Cata heroic dungeons because I find them harder than HoT dungeons, so why I thought BWD would be a straight forward tank & spank with no need for strategy, positional awareness or any sort of thought on my part  just because it’s not the most current raid I don’t know. Chalk it up to my naivety and/or stupidity – as with most things.

We had to call it quits last Friday, however, before we could get to Nefarian & this has thankfully given me chance to do some research on the guy in preparation for when we finally meet. As  Sun Tzu said-

“… if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles”

In other words if you know your rotation and faithfully read Icy Veins or some other strategy  guide then you may not find yourself visiting the spirit healer that often – unless like me you know these things but still do something stupid like blinking off the edge of Skyfire mid fight  (yes that was me in DS last Saturday ….sigh)

Sun Tzu also said

“…if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one”

Hmm I think he was being a tad generous there. In my experience  knowing  my class & rotation but not knowing the boss strategy never ends well. But there is always Deadly Boss Mods which can make up  a bit of the shortfall  (it’s my desert island add on – although since I wouldn’t have a computer on said island not really sure  what I’d do with it – but that’s how much I love it).

Finally he said,

“… if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.”

Yes – if you think you are playing your mage when you’re actually on your warrior and think you’re fighting Ultraxion when actually it’s Yorsahj chances are it will not go well …and if the boss doesn’t kill you your guildees will.

So taking Sun Tzu’s advice (who am I to ignore it) I’ve been doing some research. I think if I keep the following in mind I will be showing Nefarian who’s boss when we finally do meet the next time the guild runs BWD (it won’t be me – I’ll just point at my raid leader and then hide behind a rock).

1. His sister is Onyxia & she will be in the fight too. Ooh goody. Two dragons for the price of one. I really wish Deathwing would come along too so we could take a photo and judge who takes after who (“they all look a bit..well…dragony really”).  And wouldn’t you just love to have been the babysitter responsible for putting them to bed when they were children…I mean whelps. Nefarian resurrects Onyxia at the start of the fight. Taking advantage of any old historical brother sister rivalry or animosity won’t work on this occasion (although apparently when they were younger he once set fire to her birthday cake – he claims he was trying to light the candles – and she’s never truly forgiven him for that). But in this fight they have decided blood is thicker than water. The strategy guides advises to tank them on opposite sides of the room – otherwise you’ll  be finding out if your own blood is thicker than water when you’re lying  in a pool of it.

2.Like some mad Mickey Mouse in Phantasia he will also summon some dancing bone warriors – ok they don’t dance but they are animated so it’s kind of the same. These can be CCd or kited but not feared – I  mean what would scare a skeleton bone warrior – xrays of broken bones set wrong perhaps?

3. Once Onyxia is gone (I’m hazy on how we actually do that – get Nefarian down as low as possible & then finish her off I think….?) the raid is filled with molten lava (is there any other kind?) and the chromatic prototypes. Now they’re the sort of thing that appear in WoW and – because I rarely read quest text – I have to nod & pretend to know what they are when really I don’t. But the shame of confessing this here has sent my scurrying over to WoW Wiki to find out – so now I know. They are prototypes of the chromatic kind. Obvious when you think about it. And there are three of them. Not having done this fight I’m struggling to visualise all this but it seems each of them is on a platform casting Blast Nova which has to be interrupted & the raid must jump onto the platform- to escape the lava presumably. I can say right now that this pretty spells the end of me in this encounter. I can never jump where I’m meant to jump – I lose all sense of direction. So I will be the one dying in the lava with my GTFO add on becoming  increasingly hysterical at my stupidity.

4.After the prototypes are gone you jump back down (or in my case maybe get a battle ress). We can then expect more dancing bone warriors – this time getting recharged with Nefarian’s shadowblaze spark. The bone warriors need to be kited while the rest of us burn Nefarian down I think.

And that seems to be it. Sounds horrendous to be frank – but I guess I’ve just got to experience it. And oh one other important thing – Nefarian is NEFARIAN (with an A) not NEFARION (with an O). This  is vitally important since Nefarian seems to have made a conscious choice to spell his name in this way – apparently proper black dragon flight naming convention means his name should end with an ION. I’m sure this fact is really a secret weapon – knowing something’s real name gives you power over them – as Rumpelstiltskin taught us all. So I strongly suspect that all that strategy stuff above is a red herring & if – instead of actually fighting him I stand completely still and repeatedly type Nefarion Nefarion Nefarion in raid chat we will much easily defeat him & my guild will love me forever. That’s the plan anyway. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Posted in World of Warcraft

The Azeroth Rosetta Stone

The primitive language of the less evolved species you may encounter in groups and raids can be hard to understand. Inevitably this can lead to difficulties and confusion. However, fortunately for us an Azeroth academic (Professor O.P. Class) has  now unearthed an ancient stone tablet that sheds valuable light on the meaning of these archaic terms. I for one am convinced  that this will lead to far less frustration and wipes in dungeons and raids going forward as we will now finally be able to understand the grunts and basic utterances of a species that up until now has defied all understanding.

1. FFS–  Now this has long perplexed more sophisticated game players. For some time it has been taken as an expression of frustration and outrage. But oh dear. How wrong we were. It is actually a term of endearment- namely “Forever Friends Sweetheart” and if used directly at you it means you have done something for which you should be very proud indeed. You have performed well. The ideal response in this situation is to highlight the name of the person who said it & /hug them. It will go down a treat I assure you.

2. GTFO – We now know this means – “Go to fire opportunity.” It’s a shame we’re only just finding this out. It basically advises us to walk to any fire (or bubbling pool etc- the term has developed over time and now has a wider reference to any special surface area) that will be somewhere nearby and stand in it as long as possible. The Professor tells us that by doing so  you will receive a buff appropriate to your class or even – on occasion – a rare mount. Clearly this is an opportunity not to be ignored. From now on you need to start acting on this GTFO command as quickly as possible. Get in that fire and enjoy your reward.

3.Huntard – You are truly blessed if you have one of these in your group. In ancient times huntards were esteemed for their wisdom, strategic minds and military prowess. Only the truly gifted could ever hope to reach such heights. If you are called a huntard then you are playing your hunter class flawlessly. Do not be surprised if some people leave the group after calling you this –  it is simply that they do not feel deserving enough to be in your company. Forgive them.

4.l2p – This  one has puzzled many of us for some time. Its curious mixture of alpha and numeric characters has defied all explanation. But not anymore. We now know that l2p actually means “love to papa.” It is an odd colloquial term meant to compliment your family and heritage and to indicate that the speaker believes you are representing your ancestral line with skill and dignity. It is customary to bow in response to this (/bow) and then do a lap of honor around whichever room you are in – otherwise you will offend the speaker and bring bad luck onto your own descendants.

5.nOOb/nOObs/nOObz – This is a curious one. For some time we have wrongly assumed this referred to the object of the sentence  i.e. someone other than the speaker. However, we have now found out that the speaker is referring to him/herself when they use this term. Basically a player very unhappy with their own performance will exclaim “nOOB” (or some variant) in order to tell the group that they know they are playing badly, that they are deeply ashamed of themselves and they would very much like to be kicked from the group so that they can go to a remote forest and give themselves forty lashes. Oblige them please. It is cruelty to keep them in the group any longer.

So there you have it. An absolutely invaluable guide to several of the terms you will hear used in dungeons and raids. Understanding these terms and acting on the suggested responses will I assure you give you a dungeon run like never before.