So the other day I wrote that I did not currently have much energy for WoW. However, I seem to have discovered a way to play for slightly longer stretches, and more importantly a way to enjoy the time I play (not sit behind the keyboard feeling overwhelmed and drained before I even start) and the answer seems to be playing my paladin Terema.
Terema was my first ever WoW character so holds a special place in my heart. But somewhere around Wrath time I dropped her for a mage main, Seashell. For awhile I just had it in my head I couldn’t play melee. Actually that’s true when it comes to dungeons and raids – in the heat of battle everything is a blur and I have no idea what to target. That said I do like Paladin healing (the little I’ve tried) and in the past have been the healer in some lower level dungeons. Of course Bravetank the character originated as an attempt to crack the tanking nut ( his blog was meant to chart my progress). I failed to crack it (mostly because I cannot find my way around any dungeon) and poor Bravetank the pally has been abandoned in Shattrath City of all places.
Anyway Terema is currently my highest character (107 as of today – yes I’ve not even maxed any character in Legion yet). Clearly I’d had a bit of a questing spree with her when I was last subbed. Seashell in contrast is a ghost in Stormwind. I have no idea how that happened or why I left her as a ghost but I don’t have the oomph to sort her out so there she stays. I like to think she’s haunting Innkeeper Alison and slowly driving her out of her mind.
Anyway as Terema is the highest character I thought it might be worth having a go playing her (the 110 goal being the much nearer I thought I’d feel less overwhelmed). I’ve also realised part of my weariness when playing is to do with the fact I’m not enjoying my Shadow Priest. I just feel so bored by her. So I thought changing to Terema might help.
And so far so good. I was able to level her yesterday and complete the Val’Sharah storyline (yes I’m that far behind ). And more importantly I had moments when playing when I finally had that lovely WoW feeling I’ve been looking for – I was on my own clearing mobs, enjoying the scenery, the atmosphere, the music and basically the whole process of questing and levelling and feeling like you are actually getting somewhere. I had that moment yesterday and I remembered why I love the game and keep coming back to it. So thank you Terema. As a reward I’m going to get you to 110 and let you be my main in the Battle for Azeroth – I think you’ve earned it.
I am doing shockingly bad in terms of playing WoW right now. Just don’t feel well enough. I wanted WoW to be an escape from all the health related stuff I’m dealing with but I’m struggling. I am just so tired. I log on, do one or two things and then log off again, exhausted. Crazy. You’d swear I was physically running around Dalaran. It seems however excited I feel about all the Blizzcon stuff I’m going to need to get a whole lot better before I’m up to it.
At least there’s Hearthstone. Or there was. To begin with it felt like Hearthstone was something I could manage. I could log in, play a game, log out, then later if I felt up to it go back in and play some more. But now I’m not sure. When I play I’m switching between a mid range control Hunter, this Warlock deck (minus the Lich King which I don’t have) and a Highlander Priest deck. However, I lose far more than I win. Now of course this could just be my skills (lack of) but I think it’s more than that. I find myself mentally and physically flagging mid game, feeling overwhelmed by it all and basically just wanting to concede. Not going to hit Legend that way.
But it’s the WoW thing that has me feeling really sad. I’m just not up to proper gaming right now and it’s a shame because I really miss Azeroth. I might just have to content myself with logging in, flying somewhere beautiful and just sitting awhile, enjoying the scenery. There are worse things.
Well Blizzcon has got me all fired up again. In a good way. Actually Blizzcon always gets me fired up in a good way. I’ve never been one to rant and rave about why they did this/that and not that/this. I don’t have that type of obsession with the game that would make my soul burn at every perceived wrong turn. Sometimes my soul might twitch. On occasion it might tickle. But never burn.
Yes today I’m fired up in a good way. The main cause of this is the Vanilla server announcement. That got me really excited. The video they showed of everything rolling back in time was amazing. I’ll need to rewatch it so I catch everything. All I could think throughout was Menethil Harbor and the Wetlands. I’ll see them again just like they used to be.
Menethil Harbor and the Wetlands are my goto thoughts whenever I get all nostalgic about everything WoW used to mean to me. I loved the area so much. I remember spending a lazy Saturday morning questing there and one moment noticing the way the light hit the ground and just how beautiful it was. We live near some wetlands and when I go there I’m always transported back to that moment in WoW. I love it when real places do this to me. In fact I often find myself deciding whether I like a real place/landscape by how much it reminds me of WoW and how well it evokes my WoW feelings.
But Cataclysm came and flooded the harbor and the whole area never looked the same. I know you can still go there but it’s changed, things feel different (for one thing I keep tripping over all the sandbags) and I don’t like it. But now there’s hope. On a Vanilla Server I could go back and see it all again just as it was and maybe, just maybe, recapture that moment when all seemed right with the world.
I’m less excited about the Horde v Alliance Battle for Azeroth – haven’t we been there like a thousand times before? The change to PvP/PvE servers sounds ok and I really like the idea of the return of 3 man scenario type things – I used to love scenarios, they were a way to get that group feel without having to go full hog and endure a 5 man pug. I’m also excited about the new playable races.
But all this yesterday gave me a conundrum. You see the other day, although I’d resubbed to WoW, I had to delete it from my laptop because I’d run out of space. I had decided I would play on my daughter’s computer as and when I had time. This was a solution but not a great one because in reality it would take a lot to get me off my own laptop. I am always busy doing this/that and if WoW isn’t just a simple click away I won’t play it (I mean the thought I might actually have to put my computer down and walk over to another one is unthinkable – yes an unthinkable thought – how Zen is that?). So I started questioning the logic of resubbing.
But yesterday’s Blizzcon got me all fired up to to get back into WoW properly before all this new stuff happens (I need to clear the old new stuff before I can enjoy the new new stuff if you follow). So here I am at crazy o’clock ruthlessly deleting things my computer probably needs to survive just so I can free some space for WoW so that I can pay again.
On that basis I’d say Day 1 of Blizzcon was a success,
So I’m not one to rest on my laurels. After writing yesterday about wanting to return to Azeroth I went ahead and resubbed. It was a nightmare reinstalling WoW as my computer seems to be eating its own memory (Gbs have been disappearing by the second). But I seem to have sorted that out now and WoW is installed and I’ve been back on. I firstly went to a brand new realm and started a human warlock but that was a mistake. I don’t want to go back to the beginning. I need to stop doing that. So this morning I went on Darllen (Welsh for “reading”, which seemed funny at the time but now annoys me). She is a priest who has spent the last few months stuck in the Priest class hall doing absolutely nothing. Turns out some troops have completed a mission I’ve long forgotten about and she has a mission from Khadgar to go to Suramar and find out what fell from the sky and “cut a swath” through the felstorm. So far so good. I took a flight from Krasus Landing to Suramar and proceeded to swim my way out to the circle on my map. And then I swam underwater to look for the thing I was meant to find. And I looked. And looked. And I still haven’t found it. I’ve had a few underwater tussles, I’ve nearly drowned several times (I probably should have got a potion), I’ve rued the day I never got a sea horse from Vashj’ir, I’ve gone in a cave and fought something I shouldn’t have fought yet, and still apparently I’ve not adequately searched the crash site. In the end I went to Wowhead and discovered I need to find a black swirly area. Can’t recall running into one. I would have thought I’d have noticed that. Hey ho. Currently logged out (my battery on the laptop was nearly dead). Darllen has been left treading water in the middle of the sea. I suspect she’s happy enough. It makes a nice change from Netherlight Temple.
I made this blog private for awhile as I wasn’t playing much and didn’t have anything games related to say. And then something happened which you can read about in my personal blog here if you’re interested (it’s to do with cancer though so be warned). And now – because of this other stuff – I want to come back and restart the blog. But what to write about? I’m playing some Hearthstone right now but not doing anything amazing (I ping pong between 20 and 18 – neither are numbers of which to be proud!). I do have Guild Wars but can’t get into it. I miss…well you know what I miss … I miss the game and the world I turn to when things get tough. Yes, I want to return to Azeroth right now. I think I need to return to Azeroth right now. I want to be Bravetank again.
I’m not sure I’m going to like streaming after all. It seems so intrusive. People saying hello in chat and the realisation dawning on me that I’m not alone in my Minecraft world, that people are seeing what I’m up to and that I need to narrate my experiences and explain my choices. Doesn’t feel comfortable. I think I’m happier narrating my experiences and explaining my choices on here, after the fact,
I am still enjoying Minecraft though. Ended up focusing on Simply Magic, a magic focused modpack for the PC. It has all sorts of different magical paths and I’m focusing on Witchery to start. Already have a very pretty witchery garden, growing lots of different trees (you need the saplings for your fumes), as well as belladonna, mandrake (which you can only harvest at night otherwise you get into a devilish tustle with the creature), wolfsbane etc. I have a cauldron, an oven and altar (the latter adorned with a zombie head to give it power … yes magic works in mysterious ways). I’m following the sometimes helpful questbook and certainly it’s got me this far, although now things are ramping up in difficulty. I have to get spectral dust by killing a spectral creature that I can call through a Rite of Summoning that looks far too complex for this stage of my journey. The same goes for the magical mirror I am meant to be crafting. The only thing that looks vaguely achievable is the Distillery, but what I then do with that is again too complex for words. It’s the sort of modpack where I need to have a notepad beside me to keep track of what I need to collect. And it’s the sort of modpack where google is your friend. But it’s really interesting and fun, albeit hard work, and I’m enjoying losing myself in Minecraft again. And amazingly for a 40 something year old I am stillon edge when exploring an underground cave and I still scream my head off when a zombie groans behind me. Good times.
So despite everything I said I’ve had no time nor inclination to play WoW over the past few weeks. So ended up only resubbing for a month and now it’s all over. Not sure what that says about me and WoW going forward. Maybe whatever we had is really lost? Can’t go back, must go forward I guess.
So…going forward … last week I used my few couple of hours free to stream Minecraft on the PS4 to my You Tube channel. I was missing Minecraft & had a hankering to give streaming a go. But the stream cut off halfway through and I didn’t realise and … well it was all rather disappointing (viewers – all 0 of them – missed some awesome mining). The other problem with PS4 Minecraft is it’s Vanilla & I like modpacks.
So today I set up Minecraft on the computer again, downloaded FTB Feed the Beast mod pack & OBS for streaming and linked everything to Twitch and spent over an hour streaming. Had one viewer for about 5 minutes. They said one or two things in chat which was nice. But viewers or no viewers I had a lot of fun. The realisation is slowly dawning that these days I prefer Minecraft to WoW and I enjoy streaming (although all I do is talk to myself the entire time). I think I’m going to do more of it and hopefully get better of it.
My stream is here if anyone is interested. Today’s stream got off to a shaky start – I was fiddling with my settings and forget to speak for awhile! Gets better as it goes on – although I should apologise for the scream when a creeper pays me a visit!
I’ve logged on three times since committing to my WoW return and have had a few false starts. First I went in on Darllen – my 101 Priest – thinking she’d be a good one to get going with. However, I immediately felt overwhelmed by all the stuff in the class hall, the non stop chat and my quests. So I decided to have a fresh start and roll a brand new character, a Blood Elf Paladin called … Bravetank. Now there are lots of Bravetanks scattered on different realms on my account – including the original “I will be both a tank and a PvPer” Bravetank over on Defias Brotherhood (bless her little brave and deluded soul). But I no longer have a Bravetank on my main realm. So off I went- quickly rolled my new alt and started to play.
I was immediately bored by the Blood Elf starting zone though, and the thought of the 1-20 questline so I decided to orb it to Undercity and then zeppelin it to Orc land. What felt like hours later I was finally in the starter zone (having got lost along the way and nearly killed several times by uber level 6 mobs – oh how the mighty have fallen) and my allotted time to play was over. Not much of a start.
By the time the magic playtime hour rolled around the following day I had decided it was ridiculous to be starting a new alt. After all I should be experiencing Legion now (and it’s subsequent patches) not redoing stuff I’ve already done hundreds of times (no matter the comfort blanket benefit of doing so). I want to see at least some of the new stuff I’ve missed (although I’ve resigned myself to not seeing any raids or dungeons – I need to avoid the stress of other people this time round).
So anyway I logged Luxmii, my 100 Shaman who hadn’t done any of the new content and was all ready to answer Khadgar’s call when my computer decided to have a hissy fit and the screen went all black and I had to do several restarts and basically after all that had barely any time to play and only ended up helping Thrall at the Maelstrom, choosing an artifact and then that was that.
Today I’ve got about an hour to play (although I’m using most of that typing on here). I’ve decided I don’t want to play a shaman. There was a reason my first(ish) thought was to roll Bravetank the Pally, I want to play a Pally. And I have a 104 Pally Terema. I just need to get to grips with her Class Hall, the chat and my unfinished quests and restart her journey.
3rd time lucky.
And it’s worked (I think). It has only taken me about half an hour to get my head around the Class Hall, my quests, ignore the chat, fly to Val’sharah, ride on Malfurion’s back, capture a new pet and almost ding 105.
I’m getting there.
Have you ever done something you know is crazy, that you’ll probably regret, that you know is foolhardy even as you do it? I’m in the process of doing this. Last week I wrote about missing gaming and about giving Neverwinter a go (as it’s free) and perhaps trying to find time to play it. Well I’ve had very little time so that didn’t work so instead I’ve just resubbed to WoW & I’m currently downloading the latest patch!
Madness. Crazy girl. I’m still in the middle of a lot of work related stuff which is taking up massive amounts of time. I’m also rejoining the gym because I absolutely have to get fit again. So where is the WoW time going to come from?
Why am I resubbing?
Well the other day I had to take part in an icebreaker in work, one of those things where you have to say something interesting about yourself, something not many people know about. My go to interesting thing was the fact I play WoW – or used to play WoW – and the fact I blog about my experiences playing WoW, or at least that I used to. Now for anybody reading this none of that is particularly interesting as you are all probably WoW players and some of you are WoW bloggers. But in work it is interesting – or at least if not interesting it’s different. And so it was my go to thing.
But this made me realise that a certain part of me is still tied up with being a WoW player. And that this is important to me. My last post talked about the importance of being a gamer. But I think it’s more than that.
I turned to WoW about 6 years ago when things were tough in work. WoW was an escape. Then I started writing about playing WoW and through that WoW became therapy. Then things settled in work and WoW became just fun, then at times not so much fun.
Things are not too great in work right now but I’m working hard to change that. And at the same time here comes the call of WoW. I don’t think the two are unrelated. I think right now I need WoW back in my life.
So I’m resubbing.
Maybe not so crazy after all.
I think without gaming I’m not quite myself and not quite living the life I want to be living. That all sounds rather grandiose and over the top I know (what me, over the top, never!) but I honestly think it’s true. The realisation came to me today after finally getting a chance to do some gaming yesterday after a long long dry spell and finding that a certain calmness came over me yesterday in the evening (post gaming) that has continued into today. Last night I slept better than I’ve slept in ages. Coincidence? Maybe. I also had some fresh air yesterday and a long walk. Logic would say that’s the cause of my new zen outlook, but I’ve never been one for logic (read my blog posts).
I am choosing to ascribe my good feelings to gaming – because in my heart I know that I’ve been miserable without it.
The last couple of months have been intense. I’ve been so focused on developing my software skills that there has been little time for anything else. But I think that means I’ve lost some of “me” in the process. I’ve been getting up at crazy o’clock to code and develop and then going off to work. In the evening more coding then reading software engineering stuff in bed before falling asleep. Then up again. More crazy o’clock coding. It’s been hard going. I love learning and developing my skills in this area, for so long it’s been my hobby and passion, but I’m tired. It’s been all consuming and I think now and again I need to take it down a notch.
Yesterday – Mothers Day- I found myself sitting on the sofa about to start coding but for once I stopped myself, remembered it was Mother’s Day and decided to turn on the Ps4 and treat myself to a game. I decided to give Neverwinter a go (as it’s free and I’d downloaded it some time ago). I quickly created a Drow Warlock – I forget her home town & deity- I was too eager to just get on with it. She is called Bravelock – yes my imagination knows no bounds. Early feedback – I love the sparkly trails, breadcrumb narrative and quest giver audio. I found it hard getting to grips with the Ps4 controls (I miss WASD) and took ages to figure out L1 and left arrow opens up Inventory and left arrow on its own takes a potion. I still have a lot of other things to figure out and probably need to study the Wiki (more studying …). But long story short I’m now L6 (slow and steady all the way) and enjoying it. It was only about an hour yesterday and half hour today but finally I got a chance to disappear out of my brain into a different world with new sights and sounds. I got a chance to spam R2 – how much fun is that? I followed sparkly trails and levelled up. All the things I love in life! I know it’s all about the escape. I’ve not had any real avenue for escape over the past few months and I’m not sure I can live like that, no matter how much I’m enjoying the skills I’m learning. I need time to decompress. So I have to fit gaming into my life somehow. Perhaps Neverwinter will be the great escape I’m looking for – albeit an escape that will only last about half hour a night before I fall asleep on the sofa. But perhaps that’s all I need to feel myself again.