I think without gaming I’m not quite myself and not quite living the life I want to be living. That all sounds rather grandiose and over the top I know (what me, over the top, never!) but I honestly think it’s true. The realisation came to me today after finally getting a chance to do some gaming yesterday after a long long dry spell and finding that a certain calmness came over me yesterday in the evening (post gaming) that has continued into today. Last night I slept better than I’ve slept in ages. Coincidence? Maybe. I also had some fresh air yesterday and a long walk. Logic would say that’s the cause of my new zen outlook, but I’ve never been one for logic (read my blog posts).
I am choosing to ascribe my good feelings to gaming – because in my heart I know that I’ve been miserable without it.
The last couple of months have been intense. I’ve been so focused on developing my software skills that there has been little time for anything else. But I think that means I’ve lost some of “me” in the process. I’ve been getting up at crazy o’clock to code and develop and then going off to work. In the evening more coding then reading software engineering stuff in bed before falling asleep. Then up again. More crazy o’clock coding. It’s been hard going. I love learning and developing my skills in this area, for so long it’s been my hobby and passion, but I’m tired. It’s been all consuming and I think now and again I need to take it down a notch.
Yesterday – Mothers Day- I found myself sitting on the sofa about to start coding but for once I stopped myself, remembered it was Mother’s Day and decided to turn on the Ps4 and treat myself to a game. I decided to give Neverwinter a go (as it’s free and I’d downloaded it some time ago). I quickly created a Drow Warlock – I forget her home town & deity- I was too eager to just get on with it. She is called Bravelock – yes my imagination knows no bounds. Early feedback – I love the sparkly trails, breadcrumb narrative and quest giver audio. I found it hard getting to grips with the Ps4 controls (I miss WASD) and took ages to figure out L1 and left arrow opens up Inventory and left arrow on its own takes a potion. I still have a lot of other things to figure out and probably need to study the Wiki (more studying …). But long story short I’m now L6 (slow and steady all the way) and enjoying it. It was only about an hour yesterday and half hour today but finally I got a chance to disappear out of my brain into a different world with new sights and sounds. I got a chance to spam R2 – how much fun is that? I followed sparkly trails and levelled up. All the things I love in life! I know it’s all about the escape. I’ve not had any real avenue for escape over the past few months and I’m not sure I can live like that, no matter how much I’m enjoying the skills I’m learning. I need time to decompress. So I have to fit gaming into my life somehow. Perhaps Neverwinter will be the great escape I’m looking for – albeit an escape that will only last about half hour a night before I fall asleep on the sofa. But perhaps that’s all I need to feel myself again.