Still Me

I did Shrine of the Storm yesterday. This was a big deal for me as I went in as melee (Ret Pally). I am not good as melee, I always seem to stand in the wrong place, fail to target anything and just generally get overwhelmed with everything going on. But as it happens it went well yesterday. I don’t have Skada or Recount or anything like that at the moment so don’t know how I did. At one point one of the players typed three dots in chat which I immediately took to mean I had done something wrong, but then we killed that particular boss and someone in the group said, “Wow that was really fast”, so it might have been ok. I think I just need more practice – it was the first time I’d been in there so I didn’t have a clue where to go and in the bit when you swim underwater I was lagging far behind everyone. But I did it.

It’s weird though –  after everything I’ve gone through over the past two years why do I still get nervous in dungeons? I mean I’ve had cancer, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, lost all my hair, had to face the fact I could die and leave my husband and daughter, had to really think about the reality of mine (everyone’s) mortality. Big big stuff. But when I’m in the game all I can think about is not doing anything stupid in a dungeon! I get so tense when the dungeon group is ready. Once again it seems I’m still the same me in game as out of game. When I first started playing WoW (and first started this blog all those years ago)  I  thought I could carve out a new identity for myself in WoW – a freer identity. But it wasn’t to be. I’ve always been the same anxious self both in and out of game. I worry about what people think of me in never is this more acute than in a dungeon or raid. Then when I got cancer I thought that would change me. That in someway battling cancer would end up freeing me from my anxieties. But again it turns out not to be the case.  When it comes to worrying about messing up in a dungeon I’m still the same neurotic Bravetank! The me in game is the same me outside of the game, sometimes brave but often scared. Nothing’s changed.

 

4 thoughts on “Still Me

  1. Ava August 2, 2019 / 7:28 pm

    Always nice to read about your adventures and so glad your still wowing. I’m loving the new expansion myself 🙂

    • Bravetank August 3, 2019 / 7:25 am

      Hi Ava, how are you? Glad you’re also enjoying the expansion. I think I might also be in one of your old guilds – Pilgrims Respite?

  2. tomeoftheancient August 5, 2019 / 6:59 pm

    I am exactly the same, not one bit different in person or anonymous, still worried about screwing up in a group!

    • Bravetank August 6, 2019 / 6:51 pm

      I think it’s good to be ourselves in the game but I think the secret is to only group with people that let you screw up without blame, recrimination and toxic behaviour. That’s the only time I’ve really enjoyed group content!

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