Office speak in the WoW age
I keep on reading about people putting Guild Leader down on job application forms (in the previous management section part, not in the “what do you do to fill your time and take your mind off the futility of life” bit ie the Hobbies & Interests part). They then proceed (apparently….half rolls eyes…ooh painful) to impress interviewers by discussing the management skills they’ve gained in WoW by, for example, giving twelve year old guildees formal warnings for swearing in guild chat and overseeing loot distribution with a fair but benevolent eye (“Is it really for your off spec Huggy232, do you swear by the light of Elune?”).
I think they’re all missing a trick. There’s an easier way to get to the top of the corporate ladder these days – and that is to develop your own special brand of office speak. After all management jargon is all the rage these days – we’re in the weeds & drilling down, outside the box but going forward, actioning this & wrong let’s touch base & we’ll have a brainstorm). You can make this work for you by being the originator of a new way of speaking in the office & you can do this easily enough by simply using the wise words of WoW npcs.that. These words must impress – they spread like wildfire (and if I’m
I tried this out myself last week and although there were some teething problems I found I definitely had an impact. Here are my top 12:-
1. “The dark times will pass” – this was an alternative cheerio to the security guard when leaving work for the day
2. “State your business” – said briskly on the phone when my manager rang late Friday afternoon. He now wants to see me tomorrow morning. Not sure why.
3. “Bal’a dash, malanore” – said in the French for Managers class. The tutor accused me of not taking it seriously and ejected me from the room.
4. “Not very intelligent are you?” – yes it’s staff performance review time. Didn’t expect my manager to use a WoW phrase on me though….
5. “Do not loiter” – I got some offended looks with this one but it enabled me to eat my lunch in peace – totally worth it
6. “Each day is a blessing” – said in a packed lift Monday morning. Greeted with silence and one person’s muffled sobs.
7. “Watch yer back!” – said to a colleague before I “accidentally” threw a book at him.
8. “Everything has a price” – said to a member of staff who asked for the day off. Backtracked hurriedly when he accused me of extortion.
9. “Death to all who oppose us” – my motivational words at the end of a strategy session. The staff counsellor was called & I was taken away for a lie down.
10. “Keep your feet on the ground” – said firmly to someone I observed dancing on a desk. Turned out he was a technician having an electric shock while trying to change a light bulb. How was I to know?
11. “Do not seek death”- said to a colleague leaving early for a doctor’s appointment. She seemed to appreciate my consideration – her eyes really welled up.
12. “I’m starting to hate you” – said to the guy who sits opposite me & likes to hum. He reported me to HR. The book thing mentioned earlier probably didn’t help.
So yes ok – a somewhat rocky start. But I’m sure it will catch on. Even HR seem to be giving it a go – one of them said to me on Friday – all Tauren style – “You are not amusing”. I gave them a round of applause for getting in the WoW spirit & now I‘m on a warning. It makes no sense.