Is Sylvanas your love match?
Sylvanas – what could you offer a prospective lover?
Vengeance sprees, angst, laments and fun Saturday afternoons at the archery range – I have a little arrangement with the owner. He gives me humans to play with. I like it when they run.
And what do you look for in a partner?
Well like I say I like a good spree and I need a man (or woman – I’m very open to most things … apart from gnomes of course…but that goes without saying- even gnomes hate gnomes) to keep up with me in the spree department. Basically if they can shoot an arrow and are good in the kitchen (I need a shitload of Forsaken Blight and the herbs bring on my allergies) then in return I will bring him or her tea and toast in bed every Sunday. And the odd decapitated head. Just to keep it real, ya get me?
Any personal goals you’d like to share with prospective partners?
Well killing Arthas was a goal of course. Arthas murdered my people and turned me into this monstrosity – although I do have killer abs and a butt to die for …in fact I did die for it…haha. But Arthas and I had some fun times too of course – there was always a hint of sexual tension between us – even when we were trying to kill each other. We were the Richard Burton and Liz Taylor of Azeroth- but with more blood and madness (…I think… although Burton was Welsh wasn’t he?). And other goals…hmmm– well plastic surgery of course. There’s a great surgeon in Silvermoon apparently. Doing a ton of butt lifting there- although not sure how much more butt lifting my blood elf brethren can take. But this doctor can apparently remove the undead look – I mean who wants to be a weird blue colour? I’m not some bloody smurf. It’s a flesh transplant of some sort – I don’t understand the details but it uses elekk flesh – which is not going down too well with the Draenei – but to be frank no one gives a shit about them.
What’s chat up line do you use?
“We are the Forsaken. We will slaughter anyone who stands in our way. Now buy me a drink dreadlord.”
And best chat up line ever used on you?
Umm – “ON YOUR KNEES” – in a very commanding voice. Like many modern undead females I like to be dominated. I also appreciated the conscientiousness of the guy who said “May my aim be true” – it was.
I once got drunk and sang a dirty version of the Lament of the Highbourne. I replaced Anar’alah with Anus and Sin’dorei with schlong and …well you get the picture. I’m not proud.
What do you do for fun or to relax?
War and vengeance every time. The Horde will be victorious. We will find our own path in this world and slaughter anyone who stands in our way. Oh and I like to shop for shoes of course. I love shoes, the higher the better. And they HAVE to have a closed toe so that my weird undead blue toes are covered up. I hate looking at my undead toes. I have GOT to give that plastic surgeon a call- I mean summer’s coming & summer means sandals right – even in bloody Gilneas.
Final words to any readers out there who might be thinking of giving you a call?
Don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’ll respond to all messages. We can meet up for a drink. And yes of course I will set my Vrykul girls on you if disappoint me in some way – but don’t let that stop you getting in touch. After all deep down I’m just a misunderstood troubled soul who’s really really good in bed – and that’s not something many can resist is it? And remember NOW is the time of the Forsaken. Power to the Forsaken – NOW AND FOREVER. Give me a call – this could be something special.