The Feng Shui approach to Totems

Is Totem Feng Shui something we modern Shamans need to be concerned about in World of Warcraft?  Yes say I, your newly appointed Totem Feng Shui expert.

Only a foolhardy group would even consider venturing into the world of MoP dungeons without a Feng Shui aware Shaman in their midst. Without such  a Shaman your group will almost certainly invoke the anger of the Elements – this means a lot of finger pointing and all sorts of tutting. Not nice. But with a Feng Shui aware Shaman you have all the advantages of positive Feng Shui energy in your group, plus a Totem colour scheme to die for.

So it is the duty of all MoP shamans to understand the Feng Shui impact of their Totem layout & optimise their rotation accordingly.

Please note  this isn’t just about what type of Fire or Earth totem you place & when – although that is important too (we need context specific placements  not random clicking of whatever icon looks vaguely totemmy on your action bar because you’re in a bit of a panic & three mobs are hitting you at once … and no I firmly deny  that this was me Sunday afternoon). No – you need to think about where you place your totems. The conscientious  Shaman can be seen practicing morning to night  out in the fields of Westfall – measuring out the space between their Air and Fire totem, using the boars as target practice for the Fire Totem (hear them squeal), & enjoying a celebratory meal (of roasted boar of course) with the suave Earth Elemental (Azeroth’s most eligible bachelor). Any Shaman that does not meticulously practice in this way only deserves one part of the title  shaman –  the SHAME part …wear it well you shirker, wear it well.

At the heart of good Totem placement & the Feng Shui approach is the understanding that opposites are good – indeed opposites are necessary. As with life there is a Yin Yang approach that should be embraced or failure will come a-knockin’ on your door (a 9pm, when you’re in your pyjamas- which is always awkward). Get your Totem mix wrong and you will be laughed out of the raid- this is particularly so if you attempt to drop 4 Fire Totems at once in the mistaken view that “Fire Pretty Fire Good Ug”.  Give up the cave man approach- in any case you look dumpy in a loin cloth cloth. Mix it up baby, mix it up.

You won’t get a more stronger adherent to the Feng Shui approach than Thrall. He  categorically refuses to place a Capacitator Totem anywhere near a Healing Stream Totem  because the energy  “gives him the heebie jeebies” . He  will also never place a Stone Bulwark Totem  near  running water – according to Thrall to do so is to lose all gold from your  pockets & render yourself impotent in the bedroom.

Anyone who has run a dungeon with a non Feng Shui Shaman knows from bitter experience that the energies are so bad your hair will frizz – even the strongest leave-in conditioner will fail to uncrinkle those locks. This is not a risk any WoW player wants to take. A non Feng Shui aware Shaman  will  fling down wild combinations of Totems – usually before a mob is even  pulled. They might even place crazy Earth Totems in the Southern hemisphere of a dungeon (have you heard the like?!). This WILL cause the very elements of the earth to revolt and WILL lead to a wipe – I’m almost 1% sure of it. So if your group wipes and you have a Shaman in your midst then they are  definitely not applying good Feng Shui principles, the  wipe is their fault & they deserve utter contempt (particularly if they are the healer…altogether now HEALER FFS!).

So in conclusion – if you’re in a group with a Shaman you must demand the Feng Shui approach to Totems. And if you meet any resistance then there is of course one place they can shove their Totems – it might not be strictly Feng Shui but it will feel satisfying  nonetheless.


4 thoughts on “The Feng Shui approach to Totems

  1. Dear Bravetank,

    I seem to find your email, so I’m asking here. Would you happen to have “The Church in Antioch in the First Century CE: Communion and Conflict (Library of New Testament Studies)” in a Word/PDF/Kindle format?

    If so, are you willing to sell it?

    I’m actually a person who would like to read it, but I’m reading almost exclusively on my ipad.

    Thank You,


    1. Hiya. Unfortunately I don’t have it in electronic format anymore – the computer & disks I used (I used hard drive, floppy disks & a zip drive back up when I wrote the PhD!) have long gone I’m afraid. I’ve just sent a request through for it to be made available on Kindle but I don’t know how quickly (if at all) they will respond to that. I just checked Google Books but they only have a preview. So I’m a bit stuck. Really sorry 😦

    1. Aww sorry …don’t be a sad elf! I will chase the publishers in the New Year & convince them to put it on Kindle. I’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse or something!

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