Wait till you see what I do to your fire
As you might know back in May Seashell was beside herself with joy (and I was a tad pleased with myself too it must be said) after completing the School of Hard Knocks and then getting the Matron title.
The first festival since that happy time is now upon us – the Midsummer Festival – & I have the taste of What A Long Strange Trip it’s Been in my mouth (although actually I can’t complete it until next year’s Love festival so the taste is going to be with me for quite some time – I might need a mint).
So it’s time for me to become a Flame Warden – the days of Matron Seashell (you can almost see the grey hair and woolly stockings can’t you) are finally over.
I’m not that familiar with the festival. Apart from having the odd buff for doing some interesting things around a pole (not the first time that’s happened) I’ve never really done anything with this festival. So I’ve been doing a bit of research (thank you WoW Insider ) to see what I might expect.
1. Ok first up I have to kill Lord Ahune. Did some research on him since I like to know who I’m killing (if I’m feeling kind – otherwise it’s blind cold hearted slaughter). Apparently he is a Frost elemental in the Slave Pens up to no good with the Twilight’s Hammer. That’s all I need to know. Let me at him. (Oh god – I’m now channelling Scrappy Doo – that’s not good.)
Once a day I will get the Satchel of Chilled Goods from him. I love that – the Satchel of Chilled Goods. That could be a very effective branding approach for frozen goods in the supermarket – “Come here to buy the Satchel of Frozen Peas”, “Look here- Satchel of Frozen Broccoli cheap at half the price.” I’d buy them & I hate veg. Anyway apparently a non-combat pet might drop out of the satchel (gasping for air no doubt – this game is harsh), or some cool looking Frostscythe, but in my case it’ll always be one of the level 353 cloaks I don’t need & won’t wear.
Ahune will also drop an item that will start a quest culminating later in a choice of pretty tabard and 20 Burning blossoms. These latter will be important so I must remember not to trash them.
2. The Fires of Azeroth
Next up is the joyous task of visiting all the flames in all the places in order to get the Fires of Azeroth achievement & the Desecration achievement – basically honouring fires (bowing down before them??) and desecrating them. Now I don’t know about you but I associate desecration with certain bodily expulsions & the whole thing is very distasteful. I mean just imagine it- squatting over those flames expelling god knows what…..But well- it’s for the Alliance isn’t it so Seashell will just have to pick up her robe and get on with it. Now…. hmmm…. what emote to use? I’m on a PvP server too so I doubt this bit will be pleasant but I did the School of Hard Knocks so I’m used to doing the impossible (& at least this time there is no annoying orphan tagging along – and I know I know – I don’t deserve to wear the Matron title).
3. King of the Fire Festival
You get this for theft – no point dressing it up any other way. And so I disapprove. I’ll do it of course though as I sold my soul to Varian a long time ago (although he never calls or texts – bastard).You steal the flame from the 4 enemy capitals. I’m likely to die several times doing it but frankly I deserve to.
4. Burning Hot Pole Dance
I need to get 400 Burning Blossoms for this. I have none – Seashell wasn’t even a twinkle in my eye when this festival last rolled around so I will need to do this from scratch. Obviously this will mean dailies galore including regular slaughter of Lord Ahune. I will then be able to buy the Mantle of the Fire Festival, the Sandals of Summer & the Vestment of Summer – and then its beach party baby, all the way.
5. Torch Juggler
Dreading this. I know it sounds stupid but I seem to struggle with all the tasks that involve setting X number of things off in X number of seconds. Convinced my account is glitched. I mean how incompetent can I be (don’t answer that). In the Elders Festival I tried so many times to do the fireworks one. I know for a fact that I set off 10 fireworks quickly one after the other (my index finger was raw to the bone) but the achievement tracker said I’d only done one. How can that be??? So god knows how I’ll do here.
And I think that’s it. In fairness sounds like fun – though not sure if I’ll still think that several days into it when I’m being beaten up galore by every Horde that crosses my path. But I will just keep repeating my mantra Violet Proto Drake, Violet Proto Drake, Violet Proto Drake. Who needs dignity when that’s on offer?