Betty Twojugs and Cyril Shrinklewrap were left horrified when a last minute luxury getaway turned into a holiday from hell. Betty and Cyril are both Dwarf naturists and very enthusiastic about their interest (in fact you can see just how enthusiastic Cyril is by looking at him) and had been looking forward to a week of “letting it all hang out” in the blistering sun of Tanaris. Imagine their horror then when they arrived in Tanaris and found their hotel was in the Troll compound of Zulfarrak. “It was awful,” said Betty. “Worst holiday ever. For one thing there’s not a bit of sea in sight. The only place to go swimming was right in the middle of the compound but that bloody Gahzrilla took a bit of a liking to my bits and bobs and it got very awkward.” “Yes, I didn’t like where he was putting his fangs if you know what I mean,” said Cyril. “I’m happy for my wife to let it all hang out but it’s a strictly look but don’t touch policy I’m operating here.” “And what about Sergeant Bly,” interrupted Betty. “Oh yes, Bly, well he was a bit competitive if you know what I mean,” said Cyril. “Kept chasing me around with a ruler.” But the worst of it appears to have been the attitude of Chief Ukorz Sandscalp. “What a bloody prude,” said Cyril. “Here we are walking around just as the Holy Light intended and he was all, “It’s not allowed here. Put your clothes on.I’m reporting you to the authorities.” “Yes he needs to get with the times,” said Betty, “Dwarf naturism is here to stay. Just not in Dun Morogh – it’s bloody cold there.”
The power of totems is all in the mind claimed one doctor today. After 6 months of intense research he has come to the conclusion that the only purpose totems serve is to help Shamans feel they are actually contributing something to the group when deep down they know their personal performance is shite. He ran tests with two groups of Shamans, the first ten trying to run dungeons without any totems, the second group using “special new totems” (in reality simply pebbles) which they had been told were new and more powerful (the study also proved that Shamans are scientifically more stupid than goldfish). The first group without totems all had total mental breakdowns halfway through their runs. All of them were forced to finally admit they wished they had rolled Mages but had been won over by the pretty totem lights and the “cool sound they make when you put them down.” The Shamans in the latter group completed their runs and later praised the new super powered totems. They claimed they felt happier and more confident in the run, generated more mana and casted quicker. When shown readouts from Recount that showed all of this to be patently false they promptly burst into tears and rage quit, vowing to never return again. However, authorities confirm they all reappeared one minute later as level 1 Mages in Northshire Abbey. The good doctor was delighted with the results. “Shamans really are crap,” he said, “We need to get rid of them from the game. It will, however, mean dungeon runs are rather darker from now on,” he admitted.
CHEESE ALLERGY CAUSES DESPAIR
Sammy Sunshine, a Syndicate Thief of Alterac Mountains, was today in despair at hearing he’d been thrown out of the Syndicate Assassins for being allergic to cheese. The Syndicate Assassins famously carry Stormwind Brie wherever they go and it is regarded as a staple of their diet. Said their leader yesterday, “It’s full of protein & full of fat. We believe in Atkins and ketosis here. Low carb. It’s the only way to go. You need cheese for breakfast, cheese for lunch and cheese for dinner. But Sammy. Well he can’t hack it so he’s out. Good riddance.” Sammy was in tears. “I haven’t been feeling well for awhile. I’ve tried to eat the cheese. But it doesn’t agree with me. I mean it’s full of fat & I’m training to run the Kessel Run in Bloodmyst Isle in the summer. I can’t do it on that stuff. Plus it’s giving me nightmares. I have an allergy. That’s that. But that shouldn’t be enough to get me thrown out of the Syndicate.” However, today the Syndicate were adamant he could not rejoin, particularly on discovering he had been secretly substituting his sweet nectar for a sports energy drinks.
LIL GAME HUNTER
Deathwing was celebrating today when he finally gained the Lil Game Hunter achievement. This has been somewhat of an obsession for Deathwing over the last few months and, he admits, might have been the reason behind his many LFR defeats. “I was somewhat distracted,” he said today with a wry smile, “I could feel my spinal plates lifting but I was too busy using the Collect Me addon to see what I still needed to collect.” I put it to Deathwing that he wasn’t what you’d call the typical pet collector. He looked rather affronted at this (which quite terrified me I have to admit). “What’s a typical pet collector when he’s at home?” he bellowed. “Should I be all fuzzy and whuzzy and ooh isn’t he cute? No way hosay. We pet collectors are the most hardcore of all the WoW players. No one goes as far as we do or digs as deep.” Asked what his favourite pet was he excitedly jumped up and down and squealed, “Ooh winterspring cub, winterspring cub, he is just so cute.”