The Tank and Healer contract
I [Insert NAME OF TANK – likely something like along the lines of Meatball, Toughnuts or Hardboy] hereby agree to the following:-
1.I will arrive in the dungeon with a working knowledge of my class, my abilities, my cooldowns and the way in which aggro works – a general tank shortage does not mean I am God on earth and can do whatever the hell I want.
2. I will say hello to the group including my healer since given he/she is going to be saving my ass throughout the entire run the least I can do is acknowledge their existence (however pitiful I really find it to be).
3.I will make sure everybody (and I mean everybody) is ready before I start. However much I like to think I can do this dungeon on my own there is a reason they are called 5 mans and it is not because as a tank I have the strength and ability of 5 men (I don’t). This means being aware if the healer needs a mana break and listening if the healer requests a mana break. I might have a name like Meatball but there must be some grey matter between my ears for even me to understand that no mana=no healing=quick and painful death.
4.I will know what I can handle and I will check with my healer what they can handle before pulling as opposed to assuming we can both handle anything & everything & discovering pretty quickly (usually via a wry look and sarcastic comment from the spirit healer – “YOU again”) that this is not the case.
5. I will remember to buff myself and others appropriately (this means taking off Crusader Aura please pally tank). Just because I am the tank does not mean I am above all this.
6. I will drink my flask/potion, eat my buff food and make sure my healing potions and bandages are quickly accessible if I need them.
7. I will HAVE flasks/potions, buff food, healing potions and bandages. A degree of self sufficiency is not just for New Age vegetable growers.
8. I will check the healer is nearby when I pull the next pack of trash or boss and if not I will not sarcastically type “…” – the healer is allowed to loot. Repeat after me – the healer is allowed to loot.
9.If we wipe I will refrain from pointing the finger immediately at the healer (no cries of “HEALER!!!!” will be permitted- each exclamation point is a breach of the contract for which there will be serious penalties). I will consider my own actions first and reflect carefully where things might have gone wrong in the group & offer constructive feedback/advice if appropriate (with proper and complete sentences and a noticeable lack of name calling & comments on the healer’s mother).
10. When the run is over I will thank my healer (& all the dps) and then say goodbye and generally act like a civilised human being. This might take practice.
If I as Tank fail to adhere to all of the above the Healer reserves the right to immediate cease and desist healing, to write something bitter and sarcastic in party chat & then get the hell out of there.
I [Insert NAME OF HEALER – likely something like Florence, LittleMissPerfect or simply DivineAngelofMercy] hereby agree to the following:-
1. I will arrive in the dungeon in the appropriate spec and gear that gives me a decent pool of mana to draw from. I will not expect to wear high ilevel gear without any intellect and spirit whatsoever and request mana breaks after every trash pull.
2. I will apply my buffs and shields to the group in a timely and effective manner – ideally before they are dead.
3.I will not go to the toilet/get a sandwich/feed the cat/visit my relatives in Australia without telling the group I will be afk. My very presence in a dungeon does not automatically heal people. I actually have to do something.
4. I will not go all psycho if people new to the dungeon stand in the bad or do something wrong.
5. I will go all psycho if people who have been advised not to stand in the bad and how to do the fight continue to screw it up.
6. While the tank is my first priority, and then myself, I will also try to heal all dps regularly & efficiently. I will not tut/sigh/moan if a dps (innocent of serious wrongdoing) needs healing or, god forbid, actually resurrecting. As a healer I do have to heal. I might think this is unfair but it is actually the case.
7. I will ask for a mana break quickly & early and not sigh like a martyr if the entire group misses my obscure mistyped request i.e. “mwni bah” does not suffice (and I think it means something rather offensive in Esperanto).
8. I will have mana food in my bag and will not expect every group I’m in to have a mage who can feed me. I am not a baby and mages are not my surrogate mothers. If any seem to want this role and offer to bathe and clothe me I should put them on ignore.
9.I will know what stages of the boss fight deals the most damage and plan accordingly. This means not panicking and freaking out when the boss stomps his foot down and causes immense AoE damage. I should be expecting it & know what to do. Running screaming from the dungeon is not the recommended reaction.
10.After the dungeon is over I will thank the group and say goodbye – reserving the right to vent freely in guild chat (or to my mother/husband/wife/goldfish) when each of them disappears without a word of thanks back (the tank who does this is of course in serious breach of this contract).
If a Healer fails to carry out all of the above the Tank reserves the right to leave dungeon after a huge pull and laugh for a good hour or so afterwards at the thought of the messy wipe that then followed.
We [Insert NAMES OF TANK & HEALER] agree to adhere to these terms and conditions in every single dungeon run we take part in from here on out. Let the DPS rejoice. There is finally accord between tank & healer.