I’d rather have an eye patch
Before I start – just wanted to thank everyone for their kind comments and support after the last post. I do appreciate it. Tank you (I mean Thank you – how Freudian was that?!).
Ok Wow news! Well it’s not good actually (never rains etc!) I’m having to reinstall WoW from scratch. That bloody latest patch has totally messed it up for me. Tried all sorts of fixes and cannot get the optimization thingimajig to work. Just freezes from the start. How arrogant is the whole idea of optimization? I should be able to choose what is optimised when. What next? Blizzard employees to come round the house and optimise my living space (actually I wouldn’t mind that – maybe they could get rid of the stairs and set up the house with some sort of Nagrand swing bridge affair). Anyway I digress. It’s the stress of inserting, removing and reinserting CD after bloody CD. My fingers ache (yes older generation- I know you did all sorts of hard stuff down mines while surviving on coal sandwiches or whatever – but try reinstalling this monster of a game. Then you’ll know suffering.) Anyway the thing is I have no idea if this will work either. And typically the minute you can’t play something you really desperately want to. I even have a hankering to wander around Shattrath – god how desperate am I? SHATTRATH?! And I had so many hopes for Seashell this weekend (yes I know I should be playing Bravetank but think of Seashell as just a mage version of Bravetank – same horror stories in dungeons just viewed from the back with less wrong turns (although get me – I was asked to guide the group the other day since- amazing- I was the only one who knew the way. A proud moment.) Of course if I’m not talking about Bravetank then you are losing out on my tanking wisdom…hmm ….yes…exactly….
But also playing Seashell recently has allowed me to revisit all the early dungeons again and see how other tanks do it. Some do it better. They don’t cry and stuff. Show offs. But some thankfully do it far far worse! Which is nice to know.
The following is just some of what I’ve been involved in over the past few weeks (pre patch – oh those heady innocent days):-
1. Tanks that claim to be the leaders, demand we follow them no matter what (deranged egomaniacs), but then show they have no clue about the dungeon at all by leading us to our deaths. And in most cases – because we’ve been indoctrinated to think the tank is Queen (or King – yes yes I know some men play tanks too but who takes them seriously in that skimpy gear …oh sorry got that the wrong way round) we follow. And when you don’t …oh lordy lord. Then it all kicks off. The best example of this was in Uldaman where one of the DPS did that thing you do (hmm “that thing you do” – that could be the name of a film – or it is –ok – move along) to make the huge lady boss comes out (you know – the one that could take the Statue of Liberty lady in a fight) but the tank & healer didn’t realise (or care) & carried on pulling another group of mobs further on. They died. Quickly. The two other DPS and I fought the boss valiantly but ended up dying too. Someone mass ressed us and then it started. The tank blamed us for not following even when they were wrong, the DPS said they couldn’t since the boss had been summoned, insults started flying, mothers were discussed. Then the thing came up to boot the tank – but I (stupidly) thought we should give him another chance. Everyone can get it wrong I thought. So I refused to kick much to the other DPSs annoyance. We carried on fighting. A fantastic cloth chest item dropped that was a massive upgrade for me. I rolled need because there was no arguing about it – this was good for me. And the tank rolled need too!! I couldn’t believe it. And he won!! I’d saved him and he did that to me. This time I initiated the vote kick – maybe petty I know but honestly– and this time he went. I’ll probably never give anyone the benefit of the doubt again (so sorry husband if I find your head in some other woman’s cleavage- no benefit of the doubt from me).
2. The other great experience was in Scarlet Monastery Cathedral. Now I admit I’ve done that so many times now I finally know the tactic – kill all the mobs before going anywhere near the boss. Only took me like 100 times- I am totally improving my gameplay. I also know that not everyone else knows this. For some people it’s their first time in there and I know only too well what that’s like so I am very nice and stuff. But there was one tank recently who just seemed to relish pulling everything in sight deliberately. In the beginning I think he did it because he honestly thought he was so great he could handle it. But when that failed he tried to make it look like he was doing it on purpose (a “That didn’t hurt” sort of thing, and “See I really really want to die a thousand deaths, I loves it I does” – I’m convinced he spoke like that). He was typing lots of cackling laughter into Party chat while we died again and again and my little armor guy was getting redder and redder until I started fearing it would all fall off). I could feel my hatred rising. Why didn’t I just leave you might be wondering? Well it was greed and vanity pure and simple. I wanted – nay desired with a purple passion – the Whitemane chapeau for Seashell. First time I’ve ever deliberately sought a special item of clothing. I’ve become all superficial and stuff. She’ll be waxing lyrical about manolo blahniks or whatever they’re called before you know it and then I might just have to hit her over the head with my Deadwood boxset until she starts valuing dirt, dust and cussing again. Anyway I wanted to wear this delectable head item with my self made Robes of Power (Seashell is an accomplished tailor & will of course go into business full time when she tires of all this arcane barraging). And it did drop for me in the end & I did win the need roll so I guess it was worth the repair bills but not the stomach ulcer, blood pressure and all the material spent on a voodoo doll of that little tank.
On the subject of my outfit by the way (I think I’m actually channelling Carrie Bradshaw now…no wait…just checked – still have a braincell so I’m ok ….I know I know miaow)- I actually have gone past the level of Robe of Power so have transmogged another piece to look like it (my first bit of mogging). The chapeau looks gorgeous with it I think…. but someone made fun of me in Stormwind. “Nice transmog they said” which I took at face value at first but they followed it up with “lololol” which I take it is not good. Would have posted a screenshot but as you might have heard I’M HAVING TO REINSTALL ALL OF WOW AGAIN
Anyway in the time it’s taken me to write the above I’m on Wrath of the Lich king which is taking ages and is accompanied by background music that is just…well..it’s no Glee I tell you that. Anyway lovely. Great way to spend a Saturday. Please all join together and pray to Elune that it works for me once they’re all installed – I need WoW, I do, I even miss Dire Maul now. This is getting bad.
Oh and before I go I’ve also written something for the F Word site – if you’re interested it can be found here. http://www.thefword.org.uk/reviews/2012/02/youll_catch_you