A Pinocchio Paladin blog

The other day someone recommended me to someone else who was looking for a Tanking Paladin blog. I felt really bad for the person who took up the recommendation (although it was lovely of the original person to recommend me)! I mean—anyone coming to my blog looking for something really helpful for a Tanking pally is in for a big disappointment. I don’t think I’ve ever written anything that would ever really help anyone improve their tanking skills. The most I have offered is an account of my own experiences that show me to be such a poor tank that most readers probably leave here thinking, “Well if she can get into her 60s playing like that there’s nothing too it.” So thinking about it at least I serve as a morale booster for the WoW community. People realise they are good in comparison to me! Glad I could be of service.

But I hope there is some use to my blog. I mean if you’re looking for some anguished reflection on my own failings, deep bitterness towards some random cruel name-calling DPS I’ve encountered in a group and story after story of me getting lost somewhere between Stormwind Bank and Stormwind auction house you’ve definitely come to the right place.

However, just like Pinocchio wanted to be a real boy, deep down I too want to be a real Pally blog – you know – a proper helpful one. With stats and stuff (and that means more than just me proudly announcing the number of armor slots we have). So I’ve come up with the following top five Tanking Tips for a Prot Pally just to start with. I don’t like to brag but I think you’ll find here things that Elitist Jerks have totally missed. I suggest you print out the list, laminate it and keep it propped up by the side of your monitor for easy reference when you are playing. I’m also working on a downloadable app that will include more detail on the five tips plus a bonus five secret tips and my guide to going from level 1-85 in half a second.

Anyway without further ado here are the five top tips:-

1. Shine your shield – I cannot emphasise this enough. There is nothing more disheartening to group members than a tank who turns up with a tarnished shield. You might as well just stand at the instance entrance and announce, “I just cannot be bothered. I’ve also left my laces undone.” You will be thrown out of heroics in a heartbeat.

2.Glyphs – buy some. Unfortunately the very best glyph in the game – the shaman Glyph of the Arctic Wolf – is of no use to you. Nevertheless some ill informed groups will still criticise you for not having it on your first pull. Instead draw their attention to the huge mana savings your glyphs of kings, might and insight give you. If anyone criticises your prime glyph choices of Holy Shock and Word of Glory over Crusader Strike and Shield of the Righteous laugh at them.

3. Armor – I know not everyone agrees with this view but I think you should wear some. At least to cover the bits that only your beloved is meant to see. Which means most female plate bikini armor is out unless you have opted for that special seductive tanking spec – in which case all I can say is remember to get yourself some cream for the chafing.

4.  Mobs – they are not your friend. Keep repeating that. It is your mantra. You will need to attack them to get past them in dungeons. No group will take kindly to you trying other techniques including flattering them (“you are the handsomest naga I have ever seen”), bribing them (“here – have a 6 slot bag on me”) or guilt tripping them (“you killed my alt you bastard!”). No – you will need to hit them. The only other possible option is to try a bit of cognitive behavioural therapy on them but you need certain stats for that (more details available in my forthcoming app). I will say this though – if you are trying CBT you will best want to open all encounters with the words, “Now who are you really angry with – me or your mother.” You may be pleasantly surprised at the results. Or dead. Could go either way.

5. Gems – mere frivolities. I cannot understand WoW sites that place so much importance on these adornments. If you absolutely have to wear jewellery at least select a piece that matches your eyes. That’s all I will say on the matter.

So that’s it for the moment. The top 5 tanking tips for Prot Pallys – covering everything I have learnt in my years in the game and my arduous journey from 1 to 64. Finally I feel I am genuinely offering something to the Prot Pally community. More will follow to be sure. I hope Elitist Jerks don’t get too worried…!


6 thoughts on “A Pinocchio Paladin blog

  1. Thank you, these will be the tips my little paladin lives by if she ever gets up the nerve to dual spec and try to tank. She’s off to tell the rest of my characters the tip about gems. It’s going to save them so much money!

  2. A scenario that popped into my head when I read no. 4 (which goes to show how much time I spent with the guy):

    Ragnaros’ mother: Roger, time for bed, sweetheart.
    Lil’ Ragnaros: But, moooom! I want to watch this documentary about insects.
    Ragnaros’ mother: No buts. Elementals have no butts, remember? And ‘A Bug’s Life’ is not a documentary.
    Lil’ Ragnaros: But-
    Ragnaros’ mother: Roger Jonathan Ross! You WILL go to bed now, whether you like it or not!
    Lil’ Ragnaros: *mumbles* … Too soon …

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