Month: January 2012

Regrets Part 3 – The Healer’s Story

Ok it’s time for the third and last regrets post. Not sure what anyone is going to think about this one. I was put in a difficult position and wasn’t sure what to do. I sat on the fence as long as I could then made my decision which I immediately regretted (otherwise it won’t be here – this is not the post for evil things I’ve done and still chuckle about- that’s for next week).

Anyway it was when I was playing my paladin healer Androse.We were in Scarlet Monastery. I was doing well …surprisingly. Well to be fair I can be a competent healer- my obsessive nature helps since I refuse to take my eye off the green bars and neurotically top them up at every opportunity (as a paladin I am liberal in my use of mana – as a shaman healer I tried the same thing and everyone died).

So it was all going well apart from one thing- we had a badly behaved ninja tank who – although being rebuked by the DPS several times – (I wasn’t getting involved – too busy staring fixedly at  green bars) was carrying on regardless and ignoring them. For some reason they didn’t boot him (possibly enough time hadn’t elapsed- can’t remember). But they started telling me not to heal him so that he’d die and leave of his own accord (they hoped). I was very uncomfortable about this. Surprisingly so. Obviously what he was doing was wrong (rolling need on everything) but still- deliberately letting him die seemed bad. I don’t want to be over the top and say it felt like murder or anything but allowing someone to die (albeit a cartoon someone) when I had the power to prevent it felt low – very low. In fact let’s just say I knew at that point I was glad I had chosen not to be a surgeon who might have had to face a similar decision at some point in their career, perhaps  whether to operate on someone they knew for a fact had stolen several post-it notes from the reception desk – the nice square ones too.  (Incidentally I was urged to be a surgeon by my careers advisor when they saw me playing the Operation game – they couldn’t believe my nerves of steel and how infrequently I made his nose buzz. My operation death rate would have been like 1 in 10 I’m sure.) Anyway….although the DPS were telling me not to heal him, now and again I confess I sneaked him a few heals – hoping they wouldn’t notice. Of course they could see his green bar rising so my “clever” plan was not particularly successful (Blizzard – introduce a Secret Heal spell that does not show up on the green bar- you have no idea how many of us are trying to secretly heal people in our group. What? There’s only me doing it. Oh ok). They got increasingly annoyed  (probably deep down at me but kept it civil since I was the healer and still retained a certain amount of power). So they kept on telling me not to heal him but were relatively patient- thinking perhaps that I was so professional a healer it was hardcoded in my DNA and they had to undo years of training – MattDamon/Bourne identity like. But eventually I buckled (you knew it was coming didn’t you). I felt like I had no choice. So I let him die. I LET HIM DIE (capitals so you understand the emotional agony behind these type written words). And through it he said not one word- which somehow made it worse. It made him seem like some mysterious entity – something put in the game to see how far we’d go – what would make us turn? Turns out it took four ninja rolls for his life to be meaningless. We were willing to kill him. How feral had we become? Azeroth’s Lord of the Flies moment – I think I even rubbed some mud on my face at one point (I tell a lie – it was chocolate actually). Anyway since it was only Scarlet Monastery I seem to recall he ran back in 2 seconds after dying (I of course didn’t resurrect him either  – by then I’d turned fully to the dark side and was practising a devilish hand rubbing action with accompanying cackle) and he carried on doing more of the same. So it was all a bit pointless. The DPS were impotently seething by this point. Don’t know why they just didn’t leave. In the end we finished the dungeon, they called him a tosser and left, leaving he & I (me & him, him & me?) in the dungeon alone. We fell into each other’s arms and…No we didn’t …it’s not that sort of story but it would be fun if it was (some Bonnie & Clyde affair where the healer was actually in on the ninja looting scam from the start…I sense a screenplay!!!) No the truth was I didn’t know what to say to him. He was in the wrong in regard to his behaviour, but I had bowed to peer pressure and let him die. Not a shining moment for either of us. So I just left the dungeon as well. He was annoying it’s true. He behaved like an idiot. But life- even WoW life it seems- is important and letting someone lose their’s as a form of punishment felt a step too far – for me anyway. Wish we could have just booted him.

The road to madness – levelling professions

I was going to write my third (and last – until I do something awful again- chances are it won’t be long) Regrets post today but not even I can cope with so much confessional outpouring. So instead I’ve gone down the rant route – I need to rant this morning – and I need to rant specifically about the professions.

I’ve never really levelled professions apart from skinning – and that’s probably the easiest one of all. And only Terema (my level 84-yes still 84 – she hasn’t been out to play since last November and is currently holidaying in Uldum) has full skinning. Everyone else tends to reply, “My profession is life” when quizzed about their professions. But I wanted a different life for Seashell, my new human mage. I wanted her to be able to survive in the wild with a campfire, some fish and a handy packet of spices (ignoring the fact that she could of course teleport back to any major city for a feast at any inn with just the click of her fingers). So I decided that as I levelled her through a combination of soloing and  dungeons she would also at the same time level skinning, tailoring, archaeology, cooking and fishing and be the ultimate all-rounder.

And I’ve sort of enjoyed it (quick sanity check here….yes still hate Jack Black and think Ricky Gervais isn’t half as clever as he thinks he is- ok I’m still sane). Skinning has been fine as I knew it would be – there’s very little I can’t do with a carcass and a knife – ask anyone. And the others. It has definitely been satisfying seeing the levels creep up (albeit slowly). But like all things  there have been frustrating moments, very frustrating moments indeed, moments when my husband has had to help by gently unclenching my fists to release my clumps of hair. And yet ironically he has been the cause of at least one moment of such despair….

1. Cooking – every night I go down on my knees and pray for Pilgrims bounty to come around again quickly. Why or why didn’t I create Seashell last year and take advantage of that manna from heaven? Instead I have run around Hillbrad searching for clams (no turtle has dropped one for me yet- selfish buggers), lion meat (but can barely catch the lions as they gambol around madly with the deer & every two seconds I have a psychopathic yeti on my heels) and boar ribs (well you know how I feel about that after Gary’s interview in the last Bugle- they’re a no go). So after a few hours weeping I decided to do it with fish alone if possible. Seemed sensible.  But….

2 Fishing – at the start all I caught was brilliant smallfish and longjaw mudsnappers (are these real fish – I’m no fish expert- surprisingly for someone who is being forced to share space with two tropical fishtanks with a third on the way). “You can cook them,” said husband helpfully. “How?” I asked, “They aren’t in my cooking list.” By then though he’d wandered off so I HAD NO ANSWER to that question. This is important for the argument that soon followd. Slowly painfully I got my fishing up higher to where I was catching Bristle whisker catfish – got that recipe from nice Catherine Leland for whom I do daily tasks (I like to be helpful). So finally I started levelling up cooking with fishing. I was vendoring all my smallfish and longjaw snappers. Husband found out (I have to do daily reports of my vendoring habits because he knows I am prone to major mishaps – vendoring some rare purple or something just because the selling npc seemed nice). “You could have used them for cooking earlier on,” he announced. “I told you I couldn’t, I asked you about them,” I exclaimed. “You can get the recipe in Goldshire, I …”, but he couldn’t continue, my hands were around his throat and there was definitely a murderous glint in my eye (or so it says on the statement he gave the police). No I jest. I just sighed heavily. Sometimes that’s just as effective (and keeps me out of jail). Anyway by then I’d found an excellent fishing/cooking guide on the internet so I no longer had to speak to my husband about such matters and was off to Booty Bay to get a recipe for Mithril trout – the answer to all my prayers it seemed. Except I was only in my 20s and didn’t have a flight path to Booty Bay. Oooh. Puzzler. I crinkled my brow so much in an attempt to figure this out that my family organised a Botox party. Finally I decided to land in Northern Stranglethorn and  try to run all the way down. Big mistake. The inhabitants of that part of the word took an instant dislike to little Seashell for some reason and she can only blink herself out of trouble so many times. But then I had a brainwave – worth a thousand crevasses in my forehead. I would teleport to Darnassus (I love being a mage), fly to Ratchet, get the boat over to Booty Bay and get the Mithril Trout recipe. “225 cooking here I come!” I cried out, scaring the dog.

Took me ages – as you can imagine. The flight from Darnassus to Ratchet alone – wish there were WoW air miles. But I did it. Full of pride I wandered into the Old Port Authority to buy the recipe to meet DISASTER! Turns out you have to be 175 to buy that recipe and I was 165. Down on my knees I fell again this time with a clenched fist raised to the heavens. God looked away and sniggered. I couldn’t face Hillsbrad again to try and get the 10 lion steaks I needed. I just couldn’t. The Horde have ruined the vibe in that place totally. Can’t even hold my regular Womens Group session in the Southshore county hall as I used to. So I decided to carry on with the Bristle fish even though cooking wise they were green to me. Meant it took 40 zillion or something to get me to level the last remaining 10 cooking points. Did it in the Hinterlands if you’re interested (don’t know why- by then I was in a daze and catching gryphons to god knows where). Caught about 50 mithril trout as I did it though so knew I was in for a cooking fest once I had the recipe. This helped lighten my mood. Indeed I was practically giddy with happiness when I finally cooked up the last Bristle fish to get to 175. Triumphantly I returned to Booty Bay, got the recipe, cooked up enough Mithril Trout to cause a WoW world shortage of the fish (no more Mithril Trout & chips in your local chippy I’m afraid) & found in a blink of an eye even these had turned green for me. So where to now is my question? The only thing that is brown to me to cook right now is some spider sausage thingimijig that needs white spider meat which has yet to drop for me anywhere. Plus I’m scared of spiders. I’m in a total quandary.

3. But nowhere near as bad as tailoring. I never thought I’d struggle for wool. Normally when I’m not levelling tailoring I carry the equivalent of 10 sheep around with me at all times (we like to sing Baa Baa Black sheep when we’re flying). But now I really need the stuff….. well sod’s law isn’t it? In a moment of madness I bought 7 pieces from the auction house yesterday for about 10 gold, which enabled me to make something like one set of shoulders which I then tried to sell for 2 gold (haven’t logged on yet to see if I was “successful”!). Total madness. At this point last night husband again intervened, came over and gently turned the computer. off. Sometimes family have to save you from yourself.

4. And finally Archaeology. Hmmm. I have collected enough fossils to fill the Natural History Museum twice over and  I am level 5. Nuff said.

But it will be worth it won’t it? One day I’ll have a flying carpet, I’ll be able to cook something up that makes me super awesome in any raid & I’ll discover some rare purple item that will bring me at least one gold at the nice vendors. Magic 🙂

The Bugle exposes …the Professions

The Bravetank Bugle Special edition

(with no fancy layout sorry- I value my sanity!)

Today the Bugle exposes the horror stories lying behind the WoW professions.

This is what they don’t tell you…

Goretusk fear
A goretusk today spoke of his anguish after being voted, “Animal most useful for levelling cooking up to 130.” Gary the Goretusk bravely held back the tears as he spoke about the proliferation of WoW cooking levelling guides on the internet and how many of them advocate the cooking of boar ribs (using the Dry Pork Ribs recipe) to get to 130. “These people don’t realise the impact they’re having on my life. I’m scared to go out. And every night I dream some  player is extracting my ribs. I have to count them in the morning to make sure they’re still there and that’s not easy as there’s a fair bit of meat on me. On second thoughts no there’s not. Don’t publish that will you. No meat to be found here. Move along.” Asked what he thought the solution was Gary’s answer was emphatic, “Giraffes. It has to be. Their long necks would means one giraffe would give you enough meat to level in steps of 20 surely. I’m convinced. In fact I’m working on my own power levelling guide right now called “1-525 in one hour- you’re having a giraffe!!”

Tailor talks tough
Thousands were left dead last night in Tanaris after a levelling tailor flatly refused to hand over any cloth to be used in first aid. A skirmish had broke out between Alliance and Horde hunters, rogues, warriors and mages. No healer could be found on the scene but Terry the Tailor was found looking on while guarding his stocks of cloth. As the casualties mounted so more and more pressure came upon Terry to release his stocks and help stop the bleeding. But Terry was adamant that tailors should not be expected to act in these situations. “I’m a tailor not a nurse,” he was heard to shout, and “Have you tried levelling tailoring. Have you seen what I’m expected to get. It’s hard man. Real hard. I’ve been stung by more spiders than you can shake a stick at. And don’t shake sticks at them anyway,” he warned, “They really don’t like it.” When accused of saving cloth for a flying carpet he refused to comment but was seen kicking a piece of Golden Draenite under a rock. Luckily for the injured an alchemist soon wandered by looking for herbs and generously made up a minor health potion for the crowds to share. One sip each meant that while their bleeding continued everyone’s acne was sorted out. Happy days.

Enchanting weight scare
“Enchanting made me put on weight,” says Betty the formerly svelte Blood Elf. “It started when I was about level 20 I think. I was busy disenchanting some stuff I’d got in a dungeon when I felt my robes seemed tight. I shrugged it off and thought no more about it. Then the next day I was enchanting a shield for a gentleman friend of mine (he likes what I do with my tongue – enchanting-wise I mean) when I caught a glimpse of my face in the reflection of the shield and I swear I saw a double chin. It then went on from there. Every time I disenchanted something I put on a pound and if I enchanted something I put on two pounds (unless it was a mace – in which case I’d squawk like a chicken for four hours). All odd really but it’s led to me ballooning in size. I think everyone needs to know about the dangers of enchanting.” Enchanting trainers dispute Betty’s claims of course, pointing to the exercise that disenchanting and enchanting can provide (“it’s a full facial workout”) and the fact that Betty put on the weight over the Winterveil period. Betty has refused to comment although this journalist did find a cookie crumb down the side of her sofa. Make of that what you will.

Don’t trust your doctor
Today it emerged that most Azeroth doctors are only jouneyman skinners. After an anonymous whisteblowing allegation 100 doctors today were investigated to discover that in 80% of cases the only qualification was Master of Anatomy. The Azeroth General Medical Association today disputed it was an issue. “You can’t get a better knowledge of human anatomy and medicine than killing and skinning animals although admittedly it’s less confusing if they only have two legs. But our knowledge of the brain would not be where it is today if it wasn’t for skinning crocodiles. I kid you not. They are smart creatures. They smile at you and stuff. Even though they really want to eat you. That’s clever that.” However, not all were convinced. “I’m horrified,” said one concerned patient, “But it explains so much. Everytime I go in with a headache the doctor flays my back, and once when I had a stomach bug he chopped off one of my toes and made a leather thumb warmer out of it. Look I’m wearing it now. Really does keep my thumb warm mind.”

Profession news in brief

“Mining makes me horny,” confesses Lady Jaina.

Radical experiment goes wrong. The volunteers told that drinking any red liquid would be as effective as a health potion were all buried today. “At least they died with a nice berry taste in their mouth,” said one relative.

Inscription could  cause repetitive strain injury – the government warned today. “Hold your quill in your mouth,” advises one giggling doctor.

Blacksmithing is ideal first date claims dwarf.

Low IQ best for engineering – most random group member are ideal says trainer

Regrets I have a few Part 2

Listening to an iTunes preview of Glee the Music Volume 7 as I type this and the beat is not half making my typing quicker (and my shoulders are shimmying fairly rhythmically- it’s quite a sight). Hmm that’s a confession I might come to regret.

Anyway where were we – oh yes my loot confession. Oh dear. Here goes.

Ok I was in a dungeon. That’s normally where loot goes wrong I know. Yet to have a problem when out questing on my own apart from that one time when I tried to loot an orc who was only playing dead. He accused me of coming onto him (I like the red eyes but the green colour makes them look too festive for my tastes – it would be like making out with a Christmas tree).

Anyway ok so I’m in a dungeon. It’s Sunken Temple so relatively straightforward. And again I was tanking. The group was already annoying. As soon as we entered a dps warrior and his bestest friend – a shadow priest I think – announced, “We’ll clear the right hand side, you three do the left” (the three in question were me, healer husband & a dps whose class escapes me). Now that is not how groups are meant to work is it? Never before come across the 3+2 strategy. But heyho. I’ve gone past the point of arguing with people like this in dungeons. Just not worth it. I did think about leaving but felt confident that me, husband & the dps could cope & I wanted the exp so off we went. And it was indeed fine.

But then a blue two handed sword dropped. We all rolled greed and I won. Fine. Husband was disappointed because when he’s not healing his toon is Ret and it would have been an upgrade for him. Obviously you can trade with another person from the group within 2 hours so we were agreeing to do this later when the warrior dps said in party chat, “Can I have the sword.” Now I immediately thought, “Yes, he takes priority because his dungeon role is warrior dps whereas my husband wanted it for his other spec.” I knew the warrior hadn’t actually rolled need of course but we all make mistakes I thought. So I apologised to husband (am I a bad wife?) and told the warrior yes I’d trade it with him. Seemed the fairest thing to do.

But as we continued my husband said, “You know that’s BoE don’t you. He just wants to sell it.” And he was right – it was BoE. Suddenly it just felt as if the warrior was trying to put one over on me.  You know I have issues with loot rolls anyway- what’s right, what’s wrong, what I should/shouldn’t do. It’s a minefield. And now it seemed as if I was being stupid and the warrior was just going to sell it for a zillion gold on the AH. By now we’d joined up again with him and the priest and were fighting as a five man group (sanity was restored). I took the opportunity to inspect him. He wasn’t using a two hander. In the confusion of it all this seemed to confirm to me that he wasn’t asking for the sword to use but to sell. “What am I going to do?” I asked my husband, feeling panicky (but still tanking like a pro of course!!!). “Don’t give it to him,” he said. “It’s not about me having it, sell it yourself on the AH, but don’t give it to him.” “But I promised,” I said. “I don’t care,” he said, “He’s pulling a fast one.” And on & on we went debating the morality of what he wanted me to do. It was like Sophie’s Choice. Sort of.

Finally the dungeon was over. “Whose got my sword,” said the warrior (rather arrogantly I thought for someone who’d rolled greed fair and square and lost, but then I had promised and…oh it was so complicated.” I took a deep breath and wrote, “It is BoE – I hadn’t noticed, so I’m not trading it.” “What the f…!” he replied. “Give him the sword,” said is loyal lapdog priest, who was one of those people who irritates just by drawing breath. “You don’t use a two hander,” I said. “It’s for my other spec,” he replied. But then before I could answer he left the group – as did his priest (of course).

Well I felt absolutely awful. “I might as well just go out and buy a ninja outfit,” I announced dramatically to my husband. But he kept on insisting I’d done the right thing and that the guy was in the wrong but I felt dreadful. I left the dungeon & sent the sword to my husband in the mail. He thought I was going to sell it but I knew he could use it & I didn’t want to make gold on something I felt bad about acquiring – blood money.

I just wish I had given it to the warrior dps. Even if he was putting one over on me so be it. I would have at least kept my word but instead I feel like I let myself down. I’ll never do it again. If I promise something to someone they’re having it – my word is gold even if it costs me gold. It’s the only way.

Regrets I have a few

I’ve been thinking lately about stuff I regret (I’m a happy soul – if I’m not beating myself up about things I’ve done in the past I don’t feel I’ve earned my ice-cream). Anyway it got me thinking about things I’ve done in WoW that I really really regret as well (yes real world regrets are not enough for me). There are three main ones. I don’t know if that is good (only three!) or bad (three- get off to the confession box at once you heinous sinner). I have no reliable sense of perspective about these things. So I’m going to lay out the three over the next three posts (bravely some might say –  I might lose all readers after this) and see what you think.

Ok confession number 1

This is a tanking incident so probably the worst of all given how seriously I take my tanking oaths and vows. It was my first ever time time in a dungeon as a tank. It was when Bravetank was Sparci and a wannabe roleplaying PvPer. I’ve never really counted this as my first time as it was such a spur of the moment thing and went so badly I think I’ve repressed the memory (like people do with lots of different first time experiences…!).  But really in any blog about Bravetank this story has to be covered at some point. All I’ll say at the outset is – I’d never done it before, I was inexperienced and scared stiff and honestly feel awful about it now (I’m not saying there are tears in my eyes as I write this –  I draw the line there).

So basically up until then I had been Ret and levelling mostly via  PUGs but keen to experience world PvP at some point (I know – you can already tell I wasn’t in my right mind). I’d watched the way some Paladin tanks worked in dungeons (pull, hit, hit some more then run off) and had started thinking, “I could do that. That looks easy.” Little did I know I’d be using this blog as therapy for all my tanking experiences months later …. So in a mad moment I decided  to buy myself a one handed sword and shield and try tanking. I was ret specced obviously & not high enough for dual spec but I’d read at the early levels this wasn’t a problem so off I trotted.

Once equipped and with righteous fury clicked  (see – I was almost a pro) I took a deep breath, went into dungeon finder, selected tank and waited…

…for less than half a second I think. It was my first experience of the Tanking “queuing” experience.  I was summoned into the Stockades. I was pleased with this as I knew it was relatively straightforward even for someone like me. My confidence crept up a notch.

Obviously as regular readers will know I pleasantly greeted everyone on my arrival but already it was too late. They’d immediately run off and were pulling right away. Of course I’d seen this as DPS and later of course I was to realise this was par for the course, but it still took me a little by surprise and I was knocked off kilter. But in a strange way I was so nervous I was actually glad other people were taking the lead! So I just ran after them and joined in with the fighting – pretty much as I would in any PvE battle. And it was fine – things died. I looted some stuff. It was all feeling doable. I even started running at the head of the group. Exciting stuff!

We did the first boss- as you know he disappears about three times during the fight so that caused me to spin around in circles a few times (which did not look cool) but otherwise it was pretty straightforward. I was being healed. The dps were doing their thing. It was all a-ok.

But then we went down to the Hogger bit. Now I had seen other tanks do this previously. I had noticed that they were careful about clearing the room before pulling Hogger. Yes I had seen and noticed all that so there is no excuse for what follows. Apart from my nervousness anyway. And I’m not sure how much that can excuse. But certainly it made me do something really stupid. I pulled Hogger right away.

You can imagine what followed. We were overwhelmed by all the mobs. The poor healer. My heart still breaks for her (him? – can’t remember– all I know is they were dead pretty quickly as was most of the group). I fought valiantly on hoping to save the situation, heal everyone and turn out to be a hero. Wasn’t to be. I fought and tried to heal myself while simultaneously keeping a nervous eye on party chat. So far no rage but I knew it was coming. Finally it was all too much for me and I joined the group in the land of the dead. And you know what I did then? Right away. I promptly quit the group. Basically I caused a wipe then bailed without one word of apology and without the decency to stick around, regroup and try it again. And I did it because I was scared. Scared of their abuse. Scared of facing up to the fact I had done it wrong – very wrong.

Once I’d left I sat before my computer feeling dreadful and then confessed all to my husband. “Don’t worry about it,” he loyally said. “They’ve probably got another tank by now and are doing it again.” Possibly true but it didn’t make me feel better. I was terrified one of them would be on my server and whisper something to me. I was so ashamed. I knew what I’d done was wrong.

In my defence I’ve never ever done that again. No matter how bad a run has gone I’ve stuck it out and done corpse run after corpse run to show my commitment and loyalty to the group. And when I do a bad pull I apologise right away. I even apologise now when it’s not my fault (I’ve totally taken it too far I know!!) But I am still deeply ashamed about that incident. I was just so scared. I knew I’d messed up and didn’t have the nerve to stay there and face the consequences. And for this I feel dreadful. No excuses. I was wrong.

And in my next post – my loot confession. It doesn’t get better Sad smile

A Pinocchio Paladin blog

The other day someone recommended me to someone else who was looking for a Tanking Paladin blog. I felt really bad for the person who took up the recommendation (although it was lovely of the original person to recommend me)! I mean—anyone coming to my blog looking for something really helpful for a Tanking pally is in for a big disappointment. I don’t think I’ve ever written anything that would ever really help anyone improve their tanking skills. The most I have offered is an account of my own experiences that show me to be such a poor tank that most readers probably leave here thinking, “Well if she can get into her 60s playing like that there’s nothing too it.” So thinking about it at least I serve as a morale booster for the WoW community. People realise they are good in comparison to me! Glad I could be of service.

But I hope there is some use to my blog. I mean if you’re looking for some anguished reflection on my own failings, deep bitterness towards some random cruel name-calling DPS I’ve encountered in a group and story after story of me getting lost somewhere between Stormwind Bank and Stormwind auction house you’ve definitely come to the right place.

However, just like Pinocchio wanted to be a real boy, deep down I too want to be a real Pally blog – you know – a proper helpful one. With stats and stuff (and that means more than just me proudly announcing the number of armor slots we have). So I’ve come up with the following top five Tanking Tips for a Prot Pally just to start with. I don’t like to brag but I think you’ll find here things that Elitist Jerks have totally missed. I suggest you print out the list, laminate it and keep it propped up by the side of your monitor for easy reference when you are playing. I’m also working on a downloadable app that will include more detail on the five tips plus a bonus five secret tips and my guide to going from level 1-85 in half a second.

Anyway without further ado here are the five top tips:-

1. Shine your shield – I cannot emphasise this enough. There is nothing more disheartening to group members than a tank who turns up with a tarnished shield. You might as well just stand at the instance entrance and announce, “I just cannot be bothered. I’ve also left my laces undone.” You will be thrown out of heroics in a heartbeat.

2.Glyphs – buy some. Unfortunately the very best glyph in the game – the shaman Glyph of the Arctic Wolf – is of no use to you. Nevertheless some ill informed groups will still criticise you for not having it on your first pull. Instead draw their attention to the huge mana savings your glyphs of kings, might and insight give you. If anyone criticises your prime glyph choices of Holy Shock and Word of Glory over Crusader Strike and Shield of the Righteous laugh at them.

3. Armor – I know not everyone agrees with this view but I think you should wear some. At least to cover the bits that only your beloved is meant to see. Which means most female plate bikini armor is out unless you have opted for that special seductive tanking spec – in which case all I can say is remember to get yourself some cream for the chafing.

4.  Mobs – they are not your friend. Keep repeating that. It is your mantra. You will need to attack them to get past them in dungeons. No group will take kindly to you trying other techniques including flattering them (“you are the handsomest naga I have ever seen”), bribing them (“here – have a 6 slot bag on me”) or guilt tripping them (“you killed my alt you bastard!”). No – you will need to hit them. The only other possible option is to try a bit of cognitive behavioural therapy on them but you need certain stats for that (more details available in my forthcoming app). I will say this though – if you are trying CBT you will best want to open all encounters with the words, “Now who are you really angry with – me or your mother.” You may be pleasantly surprised at the results. Or dead. Could go either way.

5. Gems – mere frivolities. I cannot understand WoW sites that place so much importance on these adornments. If you absolutely have to wear jewellery at least select a piece that matches your eyes. That’s all I will say on the matter.

So that’s it for the moment. The top 5 tanking tips for Prot Pallys – covering everything I have learnt in my years in the game and my arduous journey from 1 to 64. Finally I feel I am genuinely offering something to the Prot Pally community. More will follow to be sure. I hope Elitist Jerks don’t get too worried…!