The 5th Realm

I’ve been thinking a lot about the realms in WoW and the choice we have – PvE, PvP, RP, RPPvP  (and probably some other combination of the letters E,P & R that I’ve overlooked). It’s just not enough. I’m concerned that a certain category of player is being completely overlooked in the current set up. I think we need another realm type.

To select players for this realm there will need to be some sort of screening up front. Not everyone will be allowed into this realm. We cannot allow the player experience to be diluted. I’m thinking there would need to be some questions up front – yes/no questions perhaps. The type of player who deserves a realm of this nature will naturally be identified from the answers to some of the following. It will be like natural selection/evolution – but happening very quickly, right before your eyes via a clever game mechanic (so exactly as Darwin described).

Right – the type of questions. I’ve thought quite a bit about these and my ideas are below but more than happy to take other suggestions for my proposal to Blizzard.

Sample questions

-Is your name a “clever” insult of some type with a few subtle letter changes?

-Do you think it is your duty to thrust your pole in front of everyone you meet (in the context of duelling)?

-Will your first guild chat be “Will someone run me through XXX dungeon” please?

-Will you say the above at level 5?

-Do you regard other players fighting by a mining node as your personal emissaries clearing your path to auction house gold?

-Do you try to socialise by inspecting everyone you see and offering them sarcastic critiques of their armor?

-In a dungeon if someone says “Hello” is your response “Buff”?

-Do you like to help the healer by shouting in caps HEAL as often as possible?

-Do you like to help the healer by shouting HEALER FFS after every wipe – or after when only you have died and no one in the group can figure out how?

-When playing DPS do you see your role in a group to ensure that as many mobs as possible are pulled as quickly as possible, preferably when healer is separated from group or low in mana?

-When playing DPS do you like to use your strongest AoE right at the beginning when the tank is still looking at the map and then link to recount afterwards (gives everyone something to read while corpse running)?

-Playing a tank do you have a macro set up that says, “More DPS”?

-Do you hit  this macro at the start of every run before a shot is fired?

-As a healer do you regard it as your god given right to go to the toilet/go for a drink/answer the phone/go to bed whenever you want without telling the group?

-As a healer do you think it is an infringement of your equal rights to be expected to corpse run back in to resurrect everyone?

-Do you like to dance?

-Do you like to climb on things?

-Do you like to jump up and down?

-Do you like to dance, climb on things and jump up and down naked?

-Do you like to watch other people doing the above naked?

-Does that make other people in your home reluctant to sit on your chair?

And so on and so forth. These questions are only a first draft. Let me know if you have any more. It’s clear these players need their own realm. They are being poorly served by the 4 main realm types. We are not worthy to play with them – we just can’t operate at their level. So let’s stop pretending and give them their own space.

Of course once they’re on that realm all transfers back to our realms will unfortunately be prohibited. And enforced Real ID will mean that even their other equally “clever” insult names won’t be able to get past the screening process. It’s all for their own good. We know what’s best and they’ll all be happier there. Together. Forever.

The realm will be called Player Realm Advanced Team – easy to remember acronym. So come on Blizzard. Let’s break the mould – introduce the 5th realm – for all our sakes.

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10 thoughts on “The 5th Realm

  1. Lol, I like the last item on the list best.

    Have to say i disagree with lumping this one in though: “As a healer do you think it is an infringement of your equal rights to be expected to corpse run back in to resurrect everyone?”

    If the whole group wipes, everyone should run in, not lie there lazily waiting for the healer to trot himself back and rez everyone every time. Not only is it dbag behavior for them to think they’re above having to run in, it also wastes time as the healer has to run in, drink to get mana, then rez one by one. (Not everyone has mass rez and it does apply a 10-minute debuff) This sort of behavior in a raid and to some extent 5-mans (depending on the frequency) would get the lazy slob kicked after a few repeats of everyone running in while he lies around.

    1. Yes I was rethinking the healer one last night. When dps or tank I always run back in myself. I don’t wait for healer. Having said that I’ve seen that criticised too. When I’m healer I always see it as my duty to run back and save the day – but that’s probably my hero complex! That’s why I love playing my shaman dps – get to reincarnate & do it efforttlessly. Once. Although I normally reincarnate in fire & die immediately! So yes can totally see what you say about it being better for everyone to run back 🙂

  2. I don’t know if you have them on EU servers, but I really think the people who have memorized all known Chuck Norris and anal jokes and share them in trade chat should get to have a shot on being on the Player Realm Advanced Team too, they really deserve it!

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