Greetings Friend

I make it a point to always say “Hello” when I go in a dungeon. I used to say “Hi” but I’ve discovered “Hello” gets more responses (more detailed statistical analysis to follow). “Hello” breaks down social barriers in a way “Hi” doesn’t. Have considered other greetings in the past. Seen the odd “Yo” but it sounds more street than I am (the sea is more street than I am). Was going to try a Welsh approach but it’s the same word just spelled slightly differently which will just look like a typo and not get me off to a flying start with a group whose respect I crave. Have thought about coming right out and saying what I want to say, basically “Hi please be friendly and don’t criticise my tanking/dps/healing”. But that sounds too pathetic even for me. Did once announce that healer and I were married and that definitely eased the tensions (not between me and husband mind but the others in the group decided to just relax and watch their very own WoW domestic soap opera as it unfolded before their eyes).

This greeting business matters to me. I am amazed at how often people say nothing. Why are people so rude and ignorant? I can normally tell how a group will be by the number of hellos you get back.

None -Is there an echo? No not even that. You’re on your own friend and if you’re the tank god help you because even the healer has taken an instant dislike.

One- Aww bless – there’s a dps in the group clearly scarred by a recent low recount posting and desperate for a bit of love. A possible ally if it gets nasty later  although these types tend to stay out of the debates knowing they are soft targets for the bullies in the group. Build up their confidence by sending them frequent and encouraging whispers – they won’t find this disturbing at all.

Two- almost a threesome if you include yourself – they are meant to be fun so try to get involved otherwise these two will inevitably bond and leave you out in the cold with your your little Hello dying in the wind.

Three-craziness afoot! All turn and stare at the one that didn’t say hello. They are going to be trouble and probably a ninja. Keep your handbag tight to your chest and get your macros of abuse ready.

Four – this will be the run where nothing but purples drop, bosses are one shotted, you discover one of the group is your long lost brother and the other a recent lottery winner who has decided to share with whoever LFD give him. Then you wake up. Dribbling.

This hello business shouldn’t matter but it does. My feeling about the whole group starts with the hellos or lack of. Then the buffs – who gives what and who should give what (once I was soulstoned as a healer and nearly wasted it by dying on the spot from shock). Then of course whether the group waits for people to collect quests or not. All these little things can make such a difference to my attitude to the group and my blood pressure. But it shouldn’t. I should expect the worse and then be surprised at anything better. Instead I foolishly expect the best, receive the worse and my faith in humanity dies that little bit more.

Saying goodbye is the same. I always says “Thanks all 🙂 ” It’s polite. It’s good manners. But so many people disappear without saying anything. You sort of expect it from the difficult ones in the run – they are rude and obnoxious and have no time for pleasantries. But I’m always shocked when someone nice during the run does it – I feel a little stab in my heart as if I’ve been personally let down (yes I have rejection issues….how did you tell?!) Once someone did it that I’d been really getting on with. I had even turned to my husband and said enthusiastically “Me and DXXX (protecting his anonymity even though I don’t think he reads this) are so alike!” I’d only done one or two dungeons with him but I knew- the way you do (or at least the way I in my over the top way know these things). We had bonded. Anyway we were getting on really well and agreed to do more runs together. He was a tank. I was a healer (sing this to the tune of Avril Lavigne’s Skaterboi …. you can work out how it ends). It seemed to be a match made in WoW heaven. Then he disappeared. I felt crushed. What had it meant? Had that talk of more groups been empty promises? Was he getting his heals somewhere else? I was confused and bereft for all of 30 seconds. Agony. Then suddenly he whispered me. How could this happen? I looked around – amazed. “I’m on your server!” he said. I almost cried tears of joy. We could still group together. Told my husband what was happening. He didn’t look too pleased – not sure why. Anyway – this odd disturbing tank healer fairytale did not last long. He quickly outlevelled me since I play so many alts my progress is sporadic at best. Once he whispered me a few weeks later for old times sake but we knew it was over. Someone in their 40s and someone in their 60s can’t be together. It’s too hard. The difference is too much. We never did say goodbye.

So greetings and farewells are important I think. You can tell alot about the player from what they say and do in that regard. What I think you can tell about me is that I’m an obsessive over-polite approval seeking soul who frets about creating a good impression even on people that have no interest whatsoever in their fellow players aside from often an almost pathological desire to abuse. For me too redemption for appalling behaviour in a run seems to come at the very low price of a cheery goodbye, and the benefit of the doubt is with you forever if you say hello. Manners maketh man even when you’ve got nothing else going for you it seems.


23 thoughts on “Greetings Friend

  1. I know, I can truthfully say that I have NEVER finished typing “Thanks, that was great!” at the end of an instance before I was totally alone. I mean I am a slow typist, but not that slow, lol.

      1. On a number of occasions now, I’ve queued up as a healer when the Call to Arms for healers was up. Without fail, those have been the most painful, exasperating, and fail-ridden runs I’ve experienced. Now, when I see Call to Arms, I click off the “healer” role, and just queue as DPS, or better still, just go do something else for a while.

        I have no clear idea why this has been so, though my working hypothesis is that you get CtA for healers only when the players currently in queue are so terrible that all the other healers have headed for the hills. Really, though, I don’t know why.

      2. I didn’t know they did Call to Arms for healers. For some reason I thought that was only for tanks. I think you’re probably right in your analysis of why they end up being so poor though – the ones playing must be the worst players in the world!

  2. No matter how awful the pug, I make it a point to say “Hi, everybody!” at the beginning, and “Thanks for the group, everyone!” at the end. Or something substantially similar to that. And if somebody actually (gasp) asks a followup question like “hey, how’s it going”, I try to give it at least some answer.

    It’s a little thing, but I agree with you — it’s the little things that make a difference sometimes.

    1. Definitely. The other day in fairness I had a lovely experience at the end of a pug. Someone posted recount & I was at the bottom. The shame. Anyway I asked in party chat for advice and the tank actually answered! He stayed behind for awhile chatting & advising me. He was really lovely. 🙂

  3. First of all: helô Mi****** (for your anonymity’s sake….buahaha).

    I always try to remember to say hello at the beginning of an instance. However, I do catch myself not greeting my fellow adventurers more and more frequently. This can have many reasons (but always has one), including, but not exclusive to:

    — having atrociously long loading screens due to my old machine
    — having to change specs and equipment once I enter the dungeon
    — having to catch up with the others as they are already halfway to the next boss
    — going into the dungeon with a handful of people I’m chatting with on Vent/TeamSpeak/Mumble/Skype/you-name-it plus 1-3 randoms (basically, going into the dungeon with some people I am already chatting with in some way)
    — struggling with my interface because 7,000 things are popping up again (grrrr)
    — being afk for a few seconds for whatever reason (i.e. during the “greeting phase”)
    — having a heated chat conversation with someone (I forget to say “hello” what with all the furious typing directed at the be-chatted)

    I’m not saying it’s an excuse not to say “hello”, and neither do I dispute the importance of wishing your fellow dungeoneers (I’m creative with words today, as one — or two — can see) a good day and a good instance run. All I’m saying is that there might be (more or less) valid reasons for someone not to say hello. You should say hello, but sometimes you just can’t or don’t remember.

    That said, I’ll try harder in the future.

    Da boch, so long, and thanks for all the fish.

    1. Fair points! I hadn’t thought of all those many reasons why someone might not say hello. I am a simple soul. I go in a dungeon and stare fixedly at my screen until we start and I don’t allow anything else to disturb me! Ask my dog. He’ll tell you. Can totally see that for others who are multi tasking to a much greater extent the situation might be rather different!

    1. It is so important. Athough I didn’t think it had resulted in particularly great dungeon experiences perhaps I just don’t realise how bad they would be if I didn’t say hello!!

  4. Great post. I’ve featured it in the Melting Pot today – you’re on a roll!

    I must admit, I always make a point of saying hello at the start of a dungeon, but I’ve not seen the same civilising influence as Rohan has. It makes the run feel more appealing and more human, though, if everyone says “hi” at the start – and one or two people doing so can often spur the rest into at least vaguely acknowledging they’re not just playing with bots.

    What TYPE of greeting someone gives can also say a lot, mind, good or bad…

    1. Thank you for featuring it! That’s great. Agree with the type of greeting being important too – seen some really weird ones that also get the run off to a very odd surreal start!

  5. Well, part of the reason I say hello is efficiency. I don’t keep a Party chat window open ALL the time(smaller monitor). But yes, I’ve noticed groups who respond back with at least a greeting are overall easier to work with.

    At the end, I always find it a courtesy to compliment the healer if they did a good job. I don’t heal myself (in fact I make jokes about the types of people who LIKE to Heal, all in good humor of course), but I know its a VERY difficult job. And sometimes they need that ego boost, or to know they were spot on in terms of skill and timing.

    I also try and make commentary between big fights (usually joking about how we have a problem because the healer has DPS). I find this helps relax people a bit more as well.

    But, I think most importantly is when you have someone drop for some reason(good or bad), chat can often help keep others from dropping as well. Even if its minor things you’re talking about, it can help keep people from dropping because of a feel of wasted time.

    And last, groups that at least say Hello are LESS likely to Kick someone (though that’s just what I’ve noticed personally) for ‘minor’ things (major things like being a ninja or a total ass are another story).

    1. It’s really nice you compliment the healer. I’ve done that too- sometimes it was ignored but a few times the person responded saying thanks and seemed really happy to have been noticed & thanked. I know whenever I’ve healed that if someone says something nice I’m cheering for hours afterwards! I agree with what you say about the chatting between fights too & when waiting. I’ve actually had some good conversations that way- where you get beyond the surface group & start connecting with the people behind the characters. I always feel all warm & positive about WoW players after that! Wish it could last & always be like that!

  6. Perhaps what’s funniest/saddest is when you say, ‘Thanks!’ at the end of the run, and someone responds, ‘You’re welcome.’ Sounds like someone thinks they were doing you a favor.

  7. I had for a short while a macro that said “Hi, I have no idea what I’m doing, and will probably get lost ^.^” honesty and all, it didn’t go over well, but it seemed the people who left must have been the troublesome sorts because, most runs when people dropped group right off went well. I usually type too slowly to type more then “Hi” before some dps runs off and pulls everything. At the end of a run, usually I am saying “Thanks for the group” to my son (he’s my healer or tank depending on which duo of characters we are playing)

    1. Yes sometimes it’s just me and my husband saying hello & goodbye to each other – and he is just a few feet from me in the same room. Makes me feel very silly but also strangely proud that at least we are polite to each other!! It’s disappointing your honest macro didn’t go down well. I would love that sort of thing. I would immediately feel more connected to the person. Can’t believe people dropped after thart – but as you say they were probably the most troublesome ones!

  8. I always start with a greeting and end with a farewell, and I always use people’s names. I personally hate being called by my role (or class) – I’m more than that, damn it! Glad to see others feel the same way!

    1. I know- the comments on here are encouraging me that more people feel this way. Nice to know!! Yesterday I said hello & two others said hello- one was my husband, but still…! Not bad!

      1. Yes that’s true. I’ve noticed that as well! No one wants to look the odd one out & that can work in our favour sometimes when we want the group to be polite as long as there’s enough of us saying hello!

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