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Office speak in the WoW age

27 Oct

I keep on reading about people  putting Guild Leader down on job application forms (in the previous management section part,  not in the “what do you do to fill your time and take your mind off the futility of life” bit ie the Hobbies & Interests part).  They then proceed (apparently….half rolls eyes…ooh painful) to impress interviewers by discussing the management skills they’ve gained in WoW by, for example, giving twelve year old guildees formal warnings for swearing in guild chat and overseeing loot distribution with a fair but benevolent eye (“Is it really for your off spec Huggy232, do you swear by the light of Elune?”).

I think they’re all missing a trick. There’s an easier way to get to the top of the corporate ladder these days – and that is to develop your own special brand of office speak. After all management jargon is all the rage these days  – we’re in the weeds & drilling down, outside the box but going forward, actioning this & socialising that.  These words must impress –  they spread like wildfire (and if I’m wrong let’s touch base  & we’ll have a brainstorm). You can make this work for you by being the originator of a new way of speaking in the office & you can do this easily enough by simply using the wise words of WoW npcs.

I tried this out myself last week and although there were some teething problems I found I definitely had an impact. Here are my top 12:-

1. “The dark times will pass” – this was an alternative  cheerio to the security guard when leaving work for the day

2. “State your business” – said briskly on the phone when my manager rang late Friday afternoon. He now wants to see me tomorrow morning. Not sure why.

3. “Bal’a dash, malanore” – said in the French for Managers class. The tutor accused me of not taking it seriously and ejected me from the room.

4. “Not very intelligent are you?” – yes it’s staff performance review time.   Didn’t expect my manager to use a WoW phrase on me though….

5. “Do not loiter” –  I got some offended looks with this one but it enabled me to eat my lunch in peace –  totally worth it

6. “Each day is a blessing” – said in a packed lift Monday morning. Greeted with silence and one person’s muffled sobs.

7. “Watch yer back!” –  said to a colleague before I “accidentally” threw a book at him.

8. “Everything has a price” – said to a member of staff who asked for the day off. Backtracked hurriedly when he  accused me of extortion.

9. “Death to all who oppose us” – my motivational words at the end of a strategy session. The staff counsellor was called & I was taken away for a lie down.

10. “Keep your feet on the ground” –  said firmly to someone I observed dancing on a desk. Turned out he was a technician having an electric shock while trying to change a light bulb. How was I to know?

11. “Do not seek death”- said to a colleague leaving early for a doctor’s appointment. She seemed to appreciate my consideration – her eyes really welled up.

12. “I’m starting to hate you” – said to the guy who sits opposite me & likes to hum. He reported me to HR. The book thing mentioned earlier probably didn’t help.

So yes ok – a somewhat rocky start.  But I’m sure it will catch on.  Even HR seem to be giving it a go – one of them said to me on Friday – all Tauren style – “You are not amusing”. I gave them a round of applause for getting in the WoW spirit & now I‘m on a warning. It makes no sense.

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9 Comments

Posted by on October 27, 2013 in World of Warcraft

 

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9 responses to “Office speak in the WoW age

  1. bannog

    October 27, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    You are so on to a good thing here. And since I’ve been playing a warlock lately, I feel Zig-barash the Wrathguard can provide a whole range of useful phrases.

    “I live to be commanded” This is a phrase useful when being “tasked” to “action” something.

    “Are you too pathetic to fight your own battles?” This is obviously a useful retort to either micro-management or over-zealous delegation.

    “Point me at your enemies.” The perfect response vis-a-vis a request involving Workplace Support in any way.

    Also, the Death Knight’s happy goodbye of “Suffer Well” works fine in any number of situations. Such as lunch in the company cafeteria or a visit to the… um… facilities after Curry Night.

    And of course the familiar “Favour the road travelled by few” is so much nicer than “Eff Off”…

     
    • Bravetank

      October 29, 2013 at 7:02 am

      All fab but particularly “I Live to be commanded” – perfect. Wish I could get husband to embrace that one too :)

       
  2. Balkoth

    October 27, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    I think we can also learn from our faction leaders:

    “My open hands will reward my friends, but let my enemies beware!”

    “Live by these words: Lok’tar ogar. Victory…or death.”

     
    • Bravetank

      October 29, 2013 at 7:03 am

      Yes our faction leaders certainly know how to motivate & inspire – will suggest my manager adopts for his next coffee morning with new staff

       
      • Balkoth

        November 2, 2013 at 12:57 am

        Sit down with a potential vendor:

        “Hey, Joe. Just wanted to let you know this: my open hand will reward my friends, but let my enemies beware.”

        Boss tells you to get a contract:

        “Before you go, keep in mind the following: live by these words: Lok’tar ogar. Victory…or death.”

         
      • Bravetank

        November 3, 2013 at 4:54 pm

        Excellent. :) All work conversations will now be epic, dramatic & the stuff of legends. Even when just ordering pens from Admin!

         
  3. tomeoftheancient

    October 28, 2013 at 11:19 am

    I think the only one I use regularly is, “Death to all who oppose us!” I use that at the beginning of the dog walk as kind of a rallying cry. So far so good!

     
    • Bravetank

      October 29, 2013 at 7:05 am

      Yes it’s a good one & what a great way to start a walk – pigeons & squirrels beware :)

       

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