Well I did my first MoP dungeon. Yes I know - as usual I am years behind most of you. Next thing you know I’ll be announcing we’ve just bought our first coloured TV and that I jammed my fingers in the clothes wrangler. Yes I am that behind the times.
But I do get there in the end. I live my WoW life like I’d run a marathon – very slowly with lots of toilet breaks. By the time I finish everyone’s packed up & gone home. But I keep going – even if I’m the only one around to give myself a little cheer.
And cheer I did. I completed the Temple of the Jade Serpent & (a) didn’t die (b) avoided the water (c) didn’t get screamed at. It was a veritable triumph. Of course the way I did it was somewhat lacking in finesse. Basically I clutched the virtual sleeve of a fellow dpser and never left their side, and at the end of the run I worshipped at the feet of the Priest who cast levitate on us to help us avoid the water (why is water always so deadly in WoW – why can’t we for once have a dungeon where we are allowed - nay encouraged – to splash around and play in puddles).
That levitate certainly saved me. As you know I am not renowned for being fleet of foot (far from it – I’m heavy of toe – if that is the opposite). Yesterday I died three times (in WoW I mean – this isn’t some sort of Flatliners anecdote) in less than 5 minutes by (a) running the wrong way into a pack of something red and 90 (b) running the wrong way into a pack of psychotic rabbits (deceptively cute from a distance) (c) running the wrong way off a cliff. At one point Seashell was veering off to the left against my will and I was screaming at her to stop moving & yet it was MY FINGER on the keyboard that was making her move! That’s the kind of disconnect that exists between my head and my hands when I play WoW. And that means dungeons that require any degree of coordination - avoid this, jump that, stand there, no there, now run, run, RUN are a complete & utter nightmare for me. I was a nervous wreck before going into the Temple of the Jade Serpent this morning because I’d watched it on You Tube & just knew I’d mess up the Wise Mari encounter. Water, black stuff & a moving wall thingy – the precise combination of in-game mechanics that has me crying for my mother. All I want to do in a dungeon is stand in the back, shoot stuff, loot stuff & earn lots of experience points. That’s not too much to ask for is it?
GTFO helps of course. Without it groups would be petitioning Blizzard to have me permanently removed from the game. I hear the GTFO alarm & I move – the reflex now stronger than anything Pavlov managed with his puppies. And DBM flashing up terse urgent instructions also helps – when my panic subsides enough to read that is. But in all the furore my rotation goes to pot. I end up trying to cast spells on cooldown or spells that I don’t even have on this character (omg where’s Smite?!!!). Once, in a complete panic, I tried to cast a speck of dust on my monitor. When I flicked Recount up after that encounter it just coughed & suggested I might enjoy Minecraft.
But a lovely Priest cast levitate on us in the Temple so the water stuff was fine. Of course I still had to run away from the circling wall thing. And that meant I couldn’t cast much beyond barrage. Recount started downloading Minecraft for me in the background – just in case.
But I finished the dungeon. My first MoP dungeon. I used MMO Melting Pot’s quick tactics so I was prepared (as prepared as someone as ham fisted as me can be). Now off there again to revise for Stormstout Brewery. I hear there are walls of bubbles to be jumped. Even a Priest will struggle to save me from this one.