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Theramore Tourist Information Guide

26 Jul

Come visit Theramore in Eastern Kalimdor!!

“Nothing changes in Theramore and that’s why we love it!” (Captain Vimes, Foothold Citadel, Theramore, 2012) 

Theramore –   the safest, most stable, solid as a bloody rock Alliance stronghold in Kalimdor. Nothing will  harm  you here.

Welcome to the official (hmm ok not really) tourist information guide for this stunning area of Dustwallow Marsh. Why don’t you stay awhile and see all the things you can do in this only Alliance stronghold in Kalimdor – a stronghold completely and utterly impenetrable by the enemy.

Ok so what can you do in Theramore? Actually better question is what can’t you do  (hmm  several things as a matter of fact  – you can’t transmogrify, use the auction house, see King Varian, have a hair cut …). Ok…ok… but you can go on long walks here (yes walking is fun – speak to any RPer), you can go riding (you can show off your  RAF mount that you  got starting a second account and referring yourself … Blizzard may have addressed the confirmation email “Dear Sucker” though). You could collect some insects for the resident natural historian Morgan Stern (what do you mean he eats them?) and lots lots more in what is officially the SAFEST place in Azeroth (Safe or Scary Azeroth Survey, 2011)

Theramore, both a military fortress (unnecessary these days I tell you but we all like a turret) and trading port (anyone need any fine thread – we’ve got them by the bucket load)  and home to the Alliance Assembly (come visit your favourite Alliance politician – no corruption here, no sirreee). Book your accommodation  today  (you can’t go wrong in Theramore itself and the Knights of the Silver Hand paladin lodge are offering 3 nights for the price of 2 if you book before the next patch goes live).

About Theramore

Theramore is a place of stunning (& IN NO WAY THREATENING) contrasts: Alliance stronghold set within the wild yet beautiful territory of the Horde (they get all the nicest scenery). It’s where history (I think I’ve mentioned there are turrets) and modern (if you speak nicely to Jaina she’ll show you her Blackberry) meet. Roll in the grass and swim in the sea (sorry I’m talking to you now as if you’re a dog…what…you’re happy as long as you get a biscuit?)- it’s got it all folks. (Important: Visitors are advised to keep weapons accessible at all times and to know the whereabouts of the nearest spirit healer.)

Theramore, Kalimdor’s picturesque city by the sea, has had a long and admittedly turbulent past – but all that’s history now. Now think Permanence, Endurance, Stability and absolutely Indestructible Brickwork. All these are bywords for Theramore itself (cross my heart & hope to die….not really). Home now to some unusual visitor attractions (come spot the troublesome deserters) and famous  for its incredible  nightlife (how many injured soldiers can you save with the Triage approach of first aid – you’ll laugh like a drain as the most critically injured die before your very eyes) – it’s an exciting vibrant cultural hotspot  offering something for everyone (even Horde if that something includes a sword through your lying scheming heart).

Just a catapult’s throw away you’ll find find the nearby beauty spots of Onyxia’s Lair (a volcanic cave – bring your camera and try not to drop it in the lava), Southern Barrens (is that a zebra – no it’s a Zhevra – totally different animal), as well as the magical Blackhoof Village (damn those Grimtotems are nasty though) and Mudsprocket (Drazzit Dripvalve lives there … take him a deed poll to change his name- he’ll thank you forever). These quaint hamlets are set within a landscape that offers miles upon miles of sightseeing (ignore the occasional bloody corpse- unless it’s your own in which case good for you you’ve just completed a corpse run), happy vendors (they’re practically giving the spring water away) and of course numerous inns where you’ll get the chance to sample the latest in Kalimdor’s fine dining (might want to give Morgan Stern’s stuff a bit of a miss now though).

What else can you do in this wonderful place? Well you can walk (just toggle / on the number pad), enjoy the watersports (go deep sea diving with Renn McGill), enjoy the sea life (make friends with Tethyr – I think that creature is badly misunderstood), experience more wildlife that you can shake a stick at (don’t go shaking sticks though – they don’t like that). And of course if all that fails you can go and fawn over Jaina (or if you’re female go and be nice & then afterwards tell everyone how tired she’s looking these days).

How to get here

Nag any mage you can find for a portal. They really don’t mind. And mercilessly abuse anyone who hasn’t levelled high enough to get it yet. Selfish bastards.

And there you have it. Brief tourist guide to everything you can do in the wonderful haven of Theramore. Come and visit. In fact come and visit & set up home here. It’s that good. It’s that safe. We’re going nowhere – we’re here to stay.

(Disclaimer: all information correct at time of going to press. Website holds no responsibility for any losses (including those of life and limb) incurred if holiday takes place during or after launch of any imminent patch.)

Enjoy

 
7 Comments

Posted by on July 26, 2012 in World of Warcraft

 

Tags: , ,

7 responses to “Theramore Tourist Information Guide

  1. Fabad

    July 26, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Dont forget to vist Nat Pagle in the nearby mangrove.

     
    • Bravetank

      August 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

      So much to do there. For awhile anyway :)

       
  2. Sven

    July 28, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    lol, must’ve pulled my hair out a few times over trying to do that first aid quest…

     
    • Bravetank

      August 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

      I like the creative unusual quests like that :)

       
  3. Lib Feathers

    September 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Be sure to bring Jaina some tea. She loves that.

    And don’t forget the dog grooming and half-price undies for deserters.

     
    • Bravetank

      September 17, 2012 at 5:21 pm

      Yes you must bring tea for Jaina – although no biccies as she is currently low carbing it.

      lol@half-price undies for deserters :)

       

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