WoW has helped me cope with a lot of things in life it has to be said, but in one area it falls short. As a level 85 arcane mage (ilevel 387 – I’m getting there – I can almost taste level 397…it is salty) I feel I’m due actual powers by now. I mean surely the game should be set up so that eventually, through some sort of magical whizzy abracadabra timey whimey power transference you actually become the class you play. Wouldn’t advocate being a rogue though- probably end up in prison, and I’ve heard druids are hard to toilet train, but the rest…well the real world is crying out for some real life WoW class power, and no more so than at family parties.
Some of you will know from my previous post it’s birthday party week for me which means seeing my relatives, a lot of them, for like crazy periods of time (3 hours!!!) at one stretch. And as last Friday’s party deteriorated (see number 5 below) I found myself escaping into WoW fantasy and imagining what arcane mage rotation, if available in the real world, could help me survive the night.
1. Top priority – Ice Block. Not strictly arcane I know but an important part of my repertoire. It’s a special family that calls for this to be number one in the rotation. It’s usually my last “oh crap” button in PvE but in a party where every compliment is just a softening blow for the deadly follow up stomach punch it’s needed early on. Example, “God you’ve lost so much weight, you looked really dreadful before, we all thought so, you were so puffy we thought you were the marshmallow man from the end of Ghostbusters etc.” Followed by “You must keep it off, you look great….you’re not having a dessert are you?” etc.
2.Then…Mirror Image – obvious one really – needed when trying to keep four bizarre conversations going at the same time. Examples:-
-”Yes relative 1 the waitress does look a bit like that one who did the dirty on Jennifer Aniston and yes I don’t like her either …sorry waitress I meant Angelina Jolie not you, you seem perfectly fine…please don’t spit in my food”;
-”Yes relative 2 I am still short, no don’t suppose it will change now that I’m forty, yes it’s a shame”;
-”Yes relative 3 the prices are a little steep and yes I’m really sorry you’re missing Corrie”;
-”Yes relative 4 I have got the receipt for the shoes but I actually like them, yes even though they make my toes look like this….”.
Obviously I would also reuse Iceblock whenever it was off cooldown.
3.Then Counterspell- this could effectively work as a silence when any member of the family starts casting, I mean regurgitating, stories that you’ve heard so many times you literally start to weep and pull out your hair when they start. Examples include
-the time my rabbit died & I hilariously said, “Oooh he’s all stiff” (I would say the same again years later on my wedding night);
-the time my mother accidentally (she says) killed all my uncles fish…they were found scattered under his bed because she left the lid of the tank open & they leapt out (perhaps the bed looked more comfy than their tank and they misjudged the distance?) – by the way are you getting the impression animals are not safe with my family – that would be correct;
-and the time I impressively sent back a dirty jacket potato (we live exciting lives here).
4. Arcane Blast – four stacks – it’s getting serious when I bring this out. I’ve tried protection and deflection but now I have to attack. This is when any one of them starts talking about the fact I look so young because I’ve not had children (they know that’s not been a choice so why say something so tactless-grrr); they start criticising me for being teetotal (I am teetotal after coming to the realisation that alcohol was having a bad effect on my life- why do my family still hold up the “drinking times” as the highlight of our times together?) and yet another interrogation as to why I’m vegetarian & really why can’t I at least eat some fish and after all we were made to eat meat because we have pointy teeth and crispy chicken skin is delicious and …arrghh – no more please. Ideally would spam arcane blast until all my mana had gone, evocate, mana gem and spam some more.
5. Invisibility- definitely needed right at the end on Friday when the relatives turned their attention away from me & onto each other. Friday’s high (low) point was the stand up argument between my mother and uncle over the bill. My mother was insisting on paying for everyone & my uncle was proudly refusing and throwing ten pound notes at her. I was sat in the middle singing happy birthday to myself in my head – no actually just sat there cringing in embarrassment. Invisibility – where were you when I needed you?
So come on – surely I’m due these powers now. I mean – I have another one of these parties coming up. There was one huge highlight Friday night though. My lovely husband had ordered a cake for me and at one stage the lights were dimmed & in it came. And look here it is:-
So while I didn’t have my mage powers that night I at least had a mage!! Once again husband saves the day Thank you Peter .