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Regrets I have a few

08 Jan

I’ve been thinking lately about stuff I regret (I’m a happy soul – if I’m not beating myself up about things I’ve done in the past I don’t feel I’ve earned my ice-cream). Anyway it got me thinking about things I’ve done in WoW that I really really regret as well (yes real world regrets are not enough for me). There are three main ones. I don’t know if that is good (only three!) or bad (three- get off to the confession box at once you heinous sinner). I have no reliable sense of perspective about these things. So I’m going to lay out the three over the next three posts (bravely some might say –  I might lose all readers after this) and see what you think.

Ok confession number 1

This is a tanking incident so probably the worst of all given how seriously I take my tanking oaths and vows. It was my first ever time time in a dungeon as a tank. It was when Bravetank was Sparci and a wannabe roleplaying PvPer. I’ve never really counted this as my first time as it was such a spur of the moment thing and went so badly I think I’ve repressed the memory (like people do with lots of different first time experiences…!).  But really in any blog about Bravetank this story has to be covered at some point. All I’ll say at the outset is – I’d never done it before, I was inexperienced and scared stiff and honestly feel awful about it now (I’m not saying there are tears in my eyes as I write this –  I draw the line there).

So basically up until then I had been Ret and levelling mostly via  PUGs but keen to experience world PvP at some point (I know – you can already tell I wasn’t in my right mind). I’d watched the way some Paladin tanks worked in dungeons (pull, hit, hit some more then run off) and had started thinking, “I could do that. That looks easy.” Little did I know I’d be using this blog as therapy for all my tanking experiences months later …. So in a mad moment I decided  to buy myself a one handed sword and shield and try tanking. I was ret specced obviously & not high enough for dual spec but I’d read at the early levels this wasn’t a problem so off I trotted.

Once equipped and with righteous fury clicked  (see – I was almost a pro) I took a deep breath, went into dungeon finder, selected tank and waited…

…for less than half a second I think. It was my first experience of the Tanking “queuing” experience.  I was summoned into the Stockades. I was pleased with this as I knew it was relatively straightforward even for someone like me. My confidence crept up a notch.

Obviously as regular readers will know I pleasantly greeted everyone on my arrival but already it was too late. They’d immediately run off and were pulling right away. Of course I’d seen this as DPS and later of course I was to realise this was par for the course, but it still took me a little by surprise and I was knocked off kilter. But in a strange way I was so nervous I was actually glad other people were taking the lead! So I just ran after them and joined in with the fighting – pretty much as I would in any PvE battle. And it was fine – things died. I looted some stuff. It was all feeling doable. I even started running at the head of the group. Exciting stuff!

We did the first boss- as you know he disappears about three times during the fight so that caused me to spin around in circles a few times (which did not look cool) but otherwise it was pretty straightforward. I was being healed. The dps were doing their thing. It was all a-ok.

But then we went down to the Hogger bit. Now I had seen other tanks do this previously. I had noticed that they were careful about clearing the room before pulling Hogger. Yes I had seen and noticed all that so there is no excuse for what follows. Apart from my nervousness anyway. And I’m not sure how much that can excuse. But certainly it made me do something really stupid. I pulled Hogger right away.

You can imagine what followed. We were overwhelmed by all the mobs. The poor healer. My heart still breaks for her (him? – can’t remember– all I know is they were dead pretty quickly as was most of the group). I fought valiantly on hoping to save the situation, heal everyone and turn out to be a hero. Wasn’t to be. I fought and tried to heal myself while simultaneously keeping a nervous eye on party chat. So far no rage but I knew it was coming. Finally it was all too much for me and I joined the group in the land of the dead. And you know what I did then? Right away. I promptly quit the group. Basically I caused a wipe then bailed without one word of apology and without the decency to stick around, regroup and try it again. And I did it because I was scared. Scared of their abuse. Scared of facing up to the fact I had done it wrong – very wrong.

Once I’d left I sat before my computer feeling dreadful and then confessed all to my husband. “Don’t worry about it,” he loyally said. “They’ve probably got another tank by now and are doing it again.” Possibly true but it didn’t make me feel better. I was terrified one of them would be on my server and whisper something to me. I was so ashamed. I knew what I’d done was wrong.

In my defence I’ve never ever done that again. No matter how bad a run has gone I’ve stuck it out and done corpse run after corpse run to show my commitment and loyalty to the group. And when I do a bad pull I apologise right away. I even apologise now when it’s not my fault (I’ve totally taken it too far I know!!) But I am still deeply ashamed about that incident. I was just so scared. I knew I’d messed up and didn’t have the nerve to stay there and face the consequences. And for this I feel dreadful. No excuses. I was wrong.

And in my next post – my loot confession. It doesn’t get better Sad smile

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14 Comments

Posted by on January 8, 2012 in World of Warcraft

 

Tags: , , , ,

14 responses to “Regrets I have a few

  1. Cymre

    January 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    It takes courage to post publicly about something you’re ashamed of but at the same time it must be somewhat cathartic too. The first thing I ever posted publicly that was of a personal nature was my less than stellar moment – http://bubblesofmischief.wordpress.com/2010/04/28/taking-leave/

     
    • Bravetank

      January 9, 2012 at 3:27 pm

      Yes I think it is cathartic – good to get it down & out!

       
  2. Karegina

    January 8, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Aww, it’s okay. I think everyone has done something like that at one point or another. Anxiety will make you do crazy things! It’s not like you did it to grief them, you just made a mistake and then got scared of their reactions, which is a completely logical fear in this game. *hugs* Sorry Ms Bravetank!!

     
    • Bravetank

      January 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm

      Thank you!! You’re right though – I was really scared of their reactions. But it’s ridiculous really- I mean I’m not even in the same room, city or country as them but I was still scared!

       
  3. Niki ~ Edenvale (@gamerfridge)

    January 8, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    I’ve done the same thing as a new healer. I felt i was way over my head in new progression or heroic modes and dropped group in embarrassment.

     
    • Bravetank

      January 9, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who has done it. But it doesn’t feel good does it.

       
  4. Darraxus

    January 9, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Everyone drops groups from time to time. I have left plenty of groups including the last one I did the other day. I need to port out after the first boss for some water on my healer. I tell them in chat. I port out. While getting my water, I see that the tank dies. Shortly after that, two DPS die. People do not pay attention. The tank and one DPS leaves. I decided that I do not want to deal with dungeon drama and just drop group as well. You are not obligated to stay in a group if you are not having fun.

    Also, a little story about my first tanking experience (which I have been doing since Vanilla WoW now). I was told by a friend that I should tank. I honestly did not really know what that was. He said to get a shield and a one hander and spec protection. OK!

    So, I do that and get into a group for LBRS. We had to ask in tradechat back then because there was no damn dungeon finder. I get there and have no idea what I am doing. Mobs are running everywhere. I doesnt help that back then, there was no such thing as AOE tanking. Warrior tanks did not have a real AOE ability. You had to tab target and sunder armor (shudder). That is a little bit off topic, as I did not even know what sunder armor was. I was just Heroic stiking mobs. Then my weapon broke. I ended up using a gray sword for a large part of the instance, and my weapon skill was barely above 100 at the start of that. Needless to say, I missed a lot and was not doing too well.

    At the end of the istance (which I was happy to say I completed), one of the guys accused my of buying my toon off of Ebay. I did not really let it bother me too much, and continued to dive into instances.

     
    • Bravetank

      January 14, 2012 at 11:18 am

      I’m really impressed that after that first experience (and particularly what they said) you carried on going into instances. I think I’d have been panic stricken from the moment the sword broke. Well done. That’s what Bravetank should be like!

       
  5. Danslate

    January 10, 2012 at 7:21 am

    At the beginning of our WoW careers (and for the most part our careers in a specific role) we all have to learn what it is we are supposed to do.
    My first character, a hunter (I didn’t play her past level 18 as that was late in the beta for vanilla WoW), hit things with her sword exclusively.
    My first character in “real” WoW, a rogue, continued to value the stat armor on gear more than stamina (which I thought was better than strength or agility) way into her 40s. No matter if the pieces were white or green instead of blue or had intelligence instead of agility on them. As long as it did have higher armor and stamina, it was an upgrade in my eyes. Similarly, I continued to finish with only 1 combo point until I was level 16 or something. I think I died more times on Teldrassil than anyone else.
    Don’t even get me started on poisons.
    With the information structure way better now, refined mechanics ingame (back in the days Sap could apply poisons — which would, depending on the poison, de-stealth you on the spot) and a generally more accessible game one can only hope new players are able to grasp these concepts more quickly than I did.
    The main thing is to view these experiences as trial and error cases or genuine mistakes that won’t happen again BECAUSE you made them in the past. Like touching the cooker (which is, incidentally, part of the name of one of my posts — imagine the likelihood!)
    This is one reason I encourage people to level in the spec they want to play later: learn from your mistakes while they are not as grave. Nobody wants to have a tank in a raid who doesn’t know why they should be in Blood Presence.
    I shall do a blog post about all of this!! Definitely!!! *

    ———–
    *I probably won’t (see my comment on your timetabling life post)

     
    • Bravetank

      January 14, 2012 at 11:12 am

      I like the approach of viewing these as trial & error cases that won’t happen again because you’ve made them once. I do think that’s true. Having done it once & felt awful I won’t do it again but I also have huge sympathy for anyone in my group (particularly tank or healer) who does it. I know how they are feeling & I feel really bad for them because of it. A game shouldn’t make anyone so panicky.

       
  6. Thys

    January 19, 2012 at 2:45 am

    I had a similar moment when healing a level 80 instance on my shaman. Well I was pretty well geared at the time, as was the rest of the party and so I started to do a bit of DPS between heals as I had nothing to do.
    We were on the last boss and I just… I had a brainfart. A metaphorical seizure of the mind, some sort of weird stuff.
    I forgot to heal. I was DPSing, with my mind completely elsewhere. And one of the DPSers died even though I had plenty of time to save him, I just didn’t pay attention.
    I felt so ashamed I alt+F4d out so they’d think I wasn’t healing because I had DCd, and I didn’t log on WoW until the next day. I felt absolutely terrible. :| I’ve never DPSed between heals ever since.

     
    • Bravetank

      January 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

      I can so imagine doing that!! Poor thing. Easily done when you get carried away with the DPSing!!! :)

       

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