I’ve been thinking lately about stuff I regret (I’m a happy soul – if I’m not beating myself up about things I’ve done in the past I don’t feel I’ve earned my ice-cream). Anyway it got me thinking about things I’ve done in WoW that I really really regret as well (yes real world regrets are not enough for me). There are three main ones. I don’t know if that is good (only three!) or bad (three- get off to the confession box at once you heinous sinner). I have no reliable sense of perspective about these things. So I’m going to lay out the three over the next three posts (bravely some might say – I might lose all readers after this) and see what you think.
Ok confession number 1
This is a tanking incident so probably the worst of all given how seriously I take my tanking oaths and vows. It was my first ever time time in a dungeon as a tank. It was when Bravetank was Sparci and a wannabe roleplaying PvPer. I’ve never really counted this as my first time as it was such a spur of the moment thing and went so badly I think I’ve repressed the memory (like people do with lots of different first time experiences…!). But really in any blog about Bravetank this story has to be covered at some point. All I’ll say at the outset is – I’d never done it before, I was inexperienced and scared stiff and honestly feel awful about it now (I’m not saying there are tears in my eyes as I write this – I draw the line there).
So basically up until then I had been Ret and levelling mostly via PUGs but keen to experience world PvP at some point (I know – you can already tell I wasn’t in my right mind). I’d watched the way some Paladin tanks worked in dungeons (pull, hit, hit some more then run off) and had started thinking, “I could do that. That looks easy.” Little did I know I’d be using this blog as therapy for all my tanking experiences months later …. So in a mad moment I decided to buy myself a one handed sword and shield and try tanking. I was ret specced obviously & not high enough for dual spec but I’d read at the early levels this wasn’t a problem so off I trotted.
Once equipped and with righteous fury clicked (see – I was almost a pro) I took a deep breath, went into dungeon finder, selected tank and waited…
…for less than half a second I think. It was my first experience of the Tanking “queuing” experience. I was summoned into the Stockades. I was pleased with this as I knew it was relatively straightforward even for someone like me. My confidence crept up a notch.
Obviously as regular readers will know I pleasantly greeted everyone on my arrival but already it was too late. They’d immediately run off and were pulling right away. Of course I’d seen this as DPS and later of course I was to realise this was par for the course, but it still took me a little by surprise and I was knocked off kilter. But in a strange way I was so nervous I was actually glad other people were taking the lead! So I just ran after them and joined in with the fighting – pretty much as I would in any PvE battle. And it was fine – things died. I looted some stuff. It was all feeling doable. I even started running at the head of the group. Exciting stuff!
We did the first boss- as you know he disappears about three times during the fight so that caused me to spin around in circles a few times (which did not look cool) but otherwise it was pretty straightforward. I was being healed. The dps were doing their thing. It was all a-ok.
But then we went down to the Hogger bit. Now I had seen other tanks do this previously. I had noticed that they were careful about clearing the room before pulling Hogger. Yes I had seen and noticed all that so there is no excuse for what follows. Apart from my nervousness anyway. And I’m not sure how much that can excuse. But certainly it made me do something really stupid. I pulled Hogger right away.
You can imagine what followed. We were overwhelmed by all the mobs. The poor healer. My heart still breaks for her (him? – can’t remember– all I know is they were dead pretty quickly as was most of the group). I fought valiantly on hoping to save the situation, heal everyone and turn out to be a hero. Wasn’t to be. I fought and tried to heal myself while simultaneously keeping a nervous eye on party chat. So far no rage but I knew it was coming. Finally it was all too much for me and I joined the group in the land of the dead. And you know what I did then? Right away. I promptly quit the group. Basically I caused a wipe then bailed without one word of apology and without the decency to stick around, regroup and try it again. And I did it because I was scared. Scared of their abuse. Scared of facing up to the fact I had done it wrong – very wrong.
Once I’d left I sat before my computer feeling dreadful and then confessed all to my husband. “Don’t worry about it,” he loyally said. “They’ve probably got another tank by now and are doing it again.” Possibly true but it didn’t make me feel better. I was terrified one of them would be on my server and whisper something to me. I was so ashamed. I knew what I’d done was wrong.
In my defence I’ve never ever done that again. No matter how bad a run has gone I’ve stuck it out and done corpse run after corpse run to show my commitment and loyalty to the group. And when I do a bad pull I apologise right away. I even apologise now when it’s not my fault (I’ve totally taken it too far I know!!) But I am still deeply ashamed about that incident. I was just so scared. I knew I’d messed up and didn’t have the nerve to stay there and face the consequences. And for this I feel dreadful. No excuses. I was wrong.
And in my next post – my loot confession. It doesn’t get better